golden longings

XXVIII

***

Draco almost fell out onto the balcony and he hastily tried to get through the door.
It was almost a miracle that the balcony was empty and not taken up by some freshly involved couple.
But Draco was glad to find it that way, as it finally granted him a chance to catch his breath.

He propped himself on the railing, grabbing it with both his hands, and simply tried to repeat the motion of breathing in and out.
In and out.
The cool night air that floated into his lungs did a better job at filling them than the stuffy air inside had.

Inside. Where there were a lot of people that had just witnessed him storming out.
The whole evening reminded him awfully of the last party that had taken place. Only that he had relaxed into it a bit more. Something he started to consider as foolish.

Truly the last party had been rather similar. Draco even remembered Potter telling him to drink when asked which out of the two was more attractive.
But that had only been a choice between himself and another. And it would have taken Blaise like confidence to choose himself.

Out of all their peers at the school though and compelled to choose the truth, Harry still named Draco.
And Draco was unable to handle it. Because it caused him to think about why that was and how he felt about it.
Something he had been avoiding for a while.
Since the last party.

The night was chilly, fitting for a fall night. And the coldness slowly seeping through his clothes and onto his skin was the only thing that distracted Draco from the myriad of thoughts that were racing inside his head.
Too many, all of them too much. More than he was able to handle.
His breaths sped up and so did his heartbeats. The sound of blood rushing through his ears drowned out any other.

His grip on the railing tightened. So much that his knuckles grew white.
He squinted his eyes shut.
All he saw was darkness and all he heard was the rushing of his own blood. Along with maybe the rapid beats of his heart, uncomfortably rapid.
He almost blocked out the outside world. Caught up in the chaos within himself and the panic that grew, tightening his chest.

Therefore he didn't hear someone approaching the door to the balcony. Neither did he these it open or did he catch the movement beside him in the corner of his eye.
What Draco did feel was a rush of air on his left. And it felt nothing like the wind.

Distantly he heard something. And as his ears tuned back into his surroundings, he identified the sound as his name being said. Repeatedly. By Potter.
"Malfoy?"
It sounded different than it had in the common room. When it had been forced out of him.
"Malfoy!"
Or maybe it sounded exactly the same. He was unable to tell. The panic consuming his senses.
"Damn it, Draco!"

The very last thing Draco wished for in the world was a private conversation with Potter. Not when they had both drunken Veritaserum. It would have been anything but wise. In fact, it was pretty much what induced the panic attack he was suffering.
"Go away!"

There Harry had it, Draco Malfoy not sounding posh at all. Instead, his voice sounded shaky and very breathy and the words were not chosen carefully. Nothing about it sounded elegant.
"I'm not going to leave you here like this."
He did his best to sound gentle, no matter that Draco was not susceptible to it.

He did not have the nerve to deal with Potter's ever lasting righteousness in the middle of a panic attack.
"Yes you are!"
One breath in, one breath out.
No matter how hard he tried to repeat it steadily, the breaths were shallow and fast. And Draco unable to control them.
"No. Absolutely not."

There had to be a way to get Potter to leave. Just to get a chance to calm himself. Even if just a little.
"Get me a drink!"
Although still shaky, his voice had come out a little louder at least. The price he paid were even shallower breaths.
But when Potter didn't move, he did his best to raise his voice once more.
"Get. Me. A. Drink."