golden longings

XI

*****

For a while Draco had laid in his bed, trying to sleep. But he was too tense. Every time his heart beat in his chest, he felt it. Draco tried to switch positions, but it didn't help much. He was laying on his right side, his left arm hanging down over his stomach, but his heart was still violently beating.

That happend almost every time when he was exited, had fought with someone or anxious. So almost a daily thing. It always made falling asleep a lot harder than it would usually be. He hated it, because it always made it hard for him to find sleep exactly when he needed it most.
A frustrated groan fought it's way out of his mouth. He craved rest and sleep, for the sake of his physical and mental health, but the so desperately wished relief of sleep just wouldn't come over him.

He waved the thought off. No matter what, he would be woken by his nightmares anyway, there was no use in trying so hard to sleep. Eventually he gave in to the moment of just laying there and that was when his body finally relaxed and after a while, he drifted off.

It could've been hours, or maybe just 30 minutes when he ripped his eyes open and abruptly sat up against the head of his bed. His breaths were heavy and uneasy, and he was sure if he had not cast the silencing charm, it would have woken his roommates. He had a feeling that they had come in.
He knew that there was no use in trying to fall back asleep right away, he was too shaken by the dream he had had.

Sometimes he just woke up scared, only having a hunchof the nightmare that had woken him. But it was not one of those times, he remembered the details about his dream vividly.
It hadn't been the usual, his dad or the batter of Hogwarts, this one had gone deeper.
It almost pained him to think about it, but he had dreamed about the events of the day.

He had entered the room of requirements for the party, but in difference to reality, after a few seconds it had turned into a ocean of flames,reaching out for him. A hand had stretched out for his, Crabbe.
Suddenly, someone had pulled him out of the scenery and into the hallway.
When he turned around to see who it was, he had starred directly into Potter's green eyes for a moment. Then a flame swallowed him.
Draco had woken up at that point, sweating, still feeling the heat of the fire on his skin.

His breath had slowly calmed down as he recalled the dream. He swung his legs over to the edge of his bed. If he wasn't going to sleep, he had decided that he might as well catch some fresh air. In a smooth movement he drew back the curtain around his bed on one side and slipped his feet down, right into his shoes.
He used his arms that we're propped up on the mattress to push himself up.
So far,he had not made a noise.

The room was dark and quiet and he heard the calm breaths of someone sleeping. A look at the click on the side table of his bed told him that it was 4 am, the day would dawn soon.
Swiftly he moved to the door with a few small steps, careful not to wake anyone up.

All the curtains around the beds were closed. Draco took another look around the room to make sure that no one saw him leaving and opened the door.
With one last step he exited the room and closed the door.
He took the stairs two at once, suddenly in a hurry to get out of the dorms and the common room.

His feet made tapping noises on the floor as he strode across the common room, over to the portrait. He climbed out of the hole and the fresh breeze out in the hallway hit him instantly.
The cool air felt refreshing, slowly Draco's skin, that had felt like it was burning, adapted to the temperature and cooled down.
It was a relief to him.

His feet automatically carried him through the halls and up the stairs, until he found himself at the entrance to the astronomy tower.
A sudden feeling of overwhelming guilt hit him.
It dawned on him in that moment, that he had unconsciously avoided the tower since the incident in sixth year.
Even if Draco had not managed to actively do his job, he felt responsible for the man's death.