golden longings

X

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A/n: Before you read this, two things. First, I'm really sorry for not updating this story in a long time. I try my best but there's just a lot going on.
The second thing is, that I wrote just about half of this chapter drunk so if the grammar or the overall writing are terrible, you know why. Sorry about that too.
Now I hope you enjoy this cute little chapter. :)
The end might be a bit rushed and unorganized, but we'll sort that out in the next chapter.

***
In his head, Draco had had multiple coming out conversations with Pansy. But it was all thrown over board.
Having to explain to her why he had never felt comfortable enough to tell her, with Potter present as well, it was worse than he had ever imagined.
He felt like he had been thrown into cold water and now needed to learn how to swim.

There was no reasonable explanation he could give without revealing the constant struggle with his parents and his own identity.
"Pansy, first I want to say that I am sorry for not telling you. It's not that I don't trust you, but more that I don't trust myself. This is a part of myself that I struggle with a lot, I didn't want to make it any more real by talking about it. I've pushed it away from myself and I am still processing the realization that I... feel attraction the way I do. I'm still not used to that, I hope you understand that it has nothing to do with you. OH, and Potter, I'm sorry you have to listen to this emotional ramble."

He nervously chuckled at his own words, but it was forced.
In the next second, Pansy had thrown her arms around him. He must've missed that she had moved closer to him on the bed so that she could hug him.
"I don't know what to tell you, so I'm hugging you. And maybe you really looked like you needed that hug."
She whispered to him.

Draco felt a bit warm. He wasn't sure if it was just Pansys body warming him a bit or some kind of affection for her, but it made him realize how cold he had been.
Some of it went away as Pansy pulled herself off of him, but a bit of the warmth stayed with him.
She smiled proudly and clapped her hands together.
"That sure was a posh way of saying that you're gay and scared of it."

From The side of the bed came a nervous chuckle. Potter had probably been highly uncomfortable and had only started to feel better at Pansy's comment.
"It's good that he said it in such a posh way, or I would've almost mistaken him for human."

Draco was overcome by a sudden feeling that he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was like he felt the need to hug Potter and hate him at the same time. He decided that neither of those options were appropriate.
"Yeah it would be too bad to associate me with human wouldn't it?"

The words came out a lot more provocative than Draco had originally intended. He noticed a sudden change in Potter's face, he had a horrified look.
"Oh no, Malfoy, that really wasn't what I meant..."

Draco interrupted him, before Potter would get too apologetic.
"It probably was what you meant, but that's totally okay, I was joking. I mean, I spent years working hard on the image that people had of me, and that just didn't happen to be very human."

The room was silent for a fee seconds before Pansy shook her head.
"I can't speak for the saviours amongst us" she cast a quick glance to Potter, "but I've always seen you as human. Even if you try very hard not to seem vulnerable."
She stretched her arm out and grabbed his hand. It was something she always did to comfort him, and it worked a lot of the time.

With Pansy holding his hand, Draco felt reassured in a way. Like maybe not everything had changed in the previous few hours.
One glance next to his bed, where Potter was standing, ripped him out of that delusional feeling.
"Oh wow, you two do manage to look rather straight for being gay."
Potter smiled so satisfied at his own joke, that Draco's brain plain refused to get mad at him for that comment.