golden longings

XIV

***

At least 10 sets of eyes were glued to Draco as he crossed the room to get to the stairs. Draco focused on his steps, controlling their pace carefully, as he didn't want to start hurrying because everyone was starring.
He wanted to appear calm. Like he didn't care. It wasn't clear whether he was fooling anyone but he wanted to at least try. Without it seeming like he did.

Draco knew the thee reactions to his presence.
Ignoring his presence, pretending he didn't exist.
Shocked, judging stares that usually had a hint of hate in them.
And lastly, hateful comments, insults, or even attempts to harm him.
There second option applied as he crossed the common room. Which was unusual, as mostly in the common room everyone seemed to have silently agreed to either ignore or insult him.

Draco figured that everyone was just surprised to see him walking through at this time of the day. He usually avoided the common room when it was busy.
He shifted his gaze from his feet to his bony hands as he had finally reached the stairs and started to climb them. His pale hand gliding along the dark railing.

The stairs trailed up in a spiral and Draco had passed the first curve. He had finally escaped the suspicious glares of his fellow students.
Instantly his body appeared to relax. The muscles in his neck loosened and it was only then thay Draco realized how tensed up he had been.
He gazed back down to the railing on which his hand was still sliding along next to him as he climbed higher.

A thought slowly creeped it's way into Draco's head that immediately made him tense up again.
The sudden association his mind had made at the image of his hand softly wrapped around the railing didn't amuse him. It scared him.

Draco knew it was nothing but an association, a thought. But he knew just as well how real it was. It wasn't based on childish sexual humor but in preference.
No matter how aware Draco was of the truth about himself, he still refused to accept it. Similar to how he expected everyone else to not accept him.
Not like most people accepted him in the first place, given his past. But people like his parents, that currently still did, wouldn't if they found out.

Maybe, partially, it was because Draco was ashamed himself. But his thoughts hadn't gone thay far as he reached the end of the steps and with that, the boy's dorms.

As close to the wall as possible he strode past the doors of the first two dorm rooms before he reached his own.

Draco had no idea whether Potter and Weasley would even be there. There wa a good chance that they avoided the room just like himself.
In a sudden decision Draco turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.
He stepped inside comparably calm.

Quickly Draco scanned the room. Potter's bed was empty and so was Weasley's. They weren't in any other corner of the room either. Draco exhaled in relief. Even if he was aware that he'd have to see them sooner or later, it was only postponed.

However, Draco spotted Longbottom sitting on his bed, the duvets open.
Longbottom had looked up from the book he seemed to he reading at the sound of Draco opening the door and as Draco's eyes met his, Draco felt like he needed to give a sign of acknowledgement of the other boys presence. So he gave him a small nod of his head.

Longbottom appeared to be surprised by that and hesitated for a moment before a smile flashed accross his face. But he quickly went back into a deep frown and Draco headed over to his own bed. The room was filled with uncomfortable silence.

Draco sat down kn the edge of his own bed. He was debating whether he should or shouldn't take down his protection spells. He was afraid he'd drain his energy like he had before, especially since he had been drinking.
His struggle was that he wasn't sure if he trusted Lonbottim not to try to hex him.
Not that he trusted him to successfully do so, but maybe he'd attempt. Draco had no idea.