In her first year at college, Mila Wilson's life was completely turned around. After meeting drug dealer Jace Evans, falling in love with him, and finding out about his deepest, darkest secret, she has decided to take some time apart from him. Mila...
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I'm speechless, and stare into the air emtpily. Everything that Jace just told me isn't what I've imagined happened at all. I can see why he would think that night was his fault, but he didn't make that guy take all of the drugs he did before they entered that room. He didn't force anything down his throat. Jace is not a murderer, he's just making himself out to be one because he feels guilty. What happened wasn't his fault, and I feel pain in my heart right away when I think of how badly he blames himself.
The horrible image I had of Jace disappears right away. He's falling apart, and I have the need to be close to him, to show him that I'm there for him. I shoot up from my seat and straddle Jace's legs to pull him into my embrace. I hold him as tight as I can, and he wraps his arms around my back to be closer to me. Jace's sobs get worse, and I can't take his pain any longer. I pull away, and grab his face with both of my hands to make him look at me.
"Stop it, Jace. What happened that night wasn't your fault, you can't blame yourself for that" I tell him sincerely, tears pouring down my face too.
"We just left him there, Mila. We left him there and got the fuck out. There was nothing we could've done for him" Jace says, as his sobs die down slightly. My whole body shakes along with Jace's. His story gets to me, but I'm certain that that night wasn't his doing. I don't know what to say to him, so I wipe his tears away with my thumb before leaning my forehead against his. Jace calms down, and I'm able to find words again.
"You can't blame yourself. What happened was terrible and definitely not right, but it wasn't your fault. You're not a murderer, Jace" I whisper towards him.
Jace places his hand on my neck to hold me close. "It's a relief to hear you say that. But I disagree, and so does Derek" he answers just as quietly.
"What happened after?" I ask him, still having so many questions left unanswered.
"After that night, I told him that I was out. He, of course, used the events to force me to stay, or at least to make me keep on selling for and to him. It's why we were always on bad terms, even though we've been around each other" he tells me, as his body finally stops to shake. I nod my head at him, signalling him that I understand. "After that night I swore I'd never touch drugs again, not even alcohol" Jace adds, placing his hands on my thighs lovingly.
"Then why did you?" I ask him back quietly, trying to understand what's going on inside of his head.
He's quiet for a few seconds, looking deep in thought. "Because after that night, I thought that maybe I deserve to die the same way he did for a while. I wasn't actually trying to kill myself, but I guess I did it as a way of punishing myself for it. I knew it would make my life even more miserable" he answers bluntly.
His sentence is making the tears return to my face. I wipe them away on my own, letting out a huge sigh. "You know, when Derek said that you're a murderer, I imagined you with a knife or a gun in your hand, taking someone's life cold heartedly. You have no idea what that did to me, and I feel terrible now for not hearing you out earlier. It rips me apart Jace, that I've caused this for you, and I'm so sorry" I say, my heart broken.
