Embracing Chaos (#1)

39 | Darkness

AURORA'S POV

Chaos.

"You fear chaos?"

My life has been constantly revolving around it, and I couldn't escape this cycle.

Yet today, after being engulfed in darkness for years...

Finally, I feel free.

"Your eyes tell me that you fear chaos, but not exactly."

Since I was young, I just couldn't seem to grasp my reality. I was out of control.

And in the process, I slowly lost myself.

"You fear yourself, don't you?"

When the headmistress asked me that question, something inside me clicked. I had an answer, but I refused to acknowledge it. Maybe... maybe I did fear myself.

The chaos in myself, to be specific.

In the middle of the battlefield, I was surrounded by daemons and cyclopes, but none of them threatened me. With my command over the shadows, they disappeared in an instant, swallowed by eternal darkness.

Sa totoo lang, mas natatakot pa ako sa sarili ko. Sa maari kong gawin sa mga kasama ko, lalong-lalo na sa mga Elysians.

Nakita ko ang takot sa mata ng ilang estudyante kaya napayuko ako. Sinarado ko nang mahigpit ang aking mga kamao.

Siguro takot na rin ang mga kaibigan ko sa'kin... ano na ang gagawin ko?

Mira... kailangan ko si Mira. Siya lang ang nakakaintindi sa'kin.

"Aurora..." Nakita ko ang unti-unting paglapit sa'kin ni Cole. "Don't be scared. We're here." His hand was extended, but I hesitated to grab it. He seemed exhausted, given that he was weakened a few moments ago. Mukhang pinilit niya lang tumayo.

I was scared.

I couldn't control myself right now... I was afraid I would hurt them.

Pinapakalma nina Headmistress Adhira ang mga estudyante dahil sa ginawa ko. Nakita nilang lahat kung paano natalo ang lahat ng mga kalaban namin dahil sa kapangyarihan ko.

They probably resented me, asking why I didn't use my powers in the first place. Why I just fought using my weapon instead of commanding the shadows so I could prevent deaths.

It was because I was in chaos.

Ilang beses ko nang pinag-isipan kung kailan ko sasabihin sa kanila na may kapangyarihan talaga ako at tinago ko lamang ito sa kanila.

Pero sa bawat pagkakataon, nagpaparinig na naman ang mga boses sa isipan ko hanggang sa umabot sa puntong halos mabaliw na ako sa ingay nila.

And perhaps, I feared that the past would happen once again.

I caged myself in a world of darkness so that I would not hurt anyone else anymore. The necklace Mira gave me served as the lock that I didn't bother looking a key for because I didn't want to unlock it ever again.

"Aurora, please." Cole's eyes were pleading me to take his hand, to stop the madness I was unleashing. "Please trust me. Trust us."

I do trust you, I said in my head. I don't trust myself, however.

And still, there was that hopeful voice that pushed me to take my friends' hands. Out of all the voices in my head, she was the only one who spoke to me with hope and serenity, the only voice that pushed me to show who I really was.