Love Is Red

Ch. 2 Packing

I put my hands on the cold metal handle of the glass door to the cafe. This is it I am going to see my friends. It will be ok. I pulled open the door and walked inside. they are sitting at the back table and they waved at me. "Come on over," Nollie exclaimed. They were so happy to see me. I can not do this the feeling they overwhelmed me. "Just hold it back," I quietly whispered to myself. The emotions and atmosphere overwhelmed me. No, I can not. tears dripped from my face. I tried, and I can not. I when back outside with tears dripping down my face. It feels as if there are more people outside now. Drifting passed me, overwhelming me. Finn got up from the table and came outside. "Evalyn are you ok?" He asked me worried. "No, I want to go home. I don't want to I can't. It's too early." He hugged me. "It is going to be ok. You are going to be ok," comforted me outside the cafe. He did not have to. He was only embarrassing himself. My tears fell onto his jacket soaking it. "I can walk you home," He offered. My friends saw the whole thing through the glass window. "Please," I cried. I have known Finn for a long time. He was one of my first friends. I stood there with him for a second. "come on let's go," He told me. We walked all the back to my house with my face red and tears dried. "I wish my mom was here to help me," I said to Finn studdering. "She was an amazing person. But she is gone. Everything happens for a reason." I wish everything happens for a reason. I am 16 and I feel like a five-year-old. "I know it must be hard to lose her but you can not get better without help." I don't want to believe that but that is the way it is. There is always just a way it is. I wish everything would just work out without help. We walked in silence till I got to my house. "here we are," I said. I hugged him one last time and. I dident whant to let go. He always reminded me of my mother so gentle and patient. I let go and asked him, "Do you want to come inside for a moment?" "I would be happy to." His voice was comforting. We walked inside. "Would you like a glass of water?" I asked him. "No thank you. Would you like to sit on the couch and talk?" "Yes, that would be nice." I am not ready for all my friends but I can talk to Finn in my own home. Finn sat on our leather couch while I grabbed a glass of water and went over to sit by him. "How has homeschooling been?" Finn asked. "It has been ok. It is a lot less stressful making my own schedule and not being around a bunch of people."I don't like people knowing about my mom's death and or talking about it. "Regular school has been ok next year I will be a senior. We can't afford A nice school so I don't know what college I will go to. If I had no budget or a good scholarship I would like to go to Harmaa Private." " I have no idea where I want to go. I guess I never really thought about it." "Where is your dad?" "He is packing for a business trip tomorrow. We are going to Yuma." "It must be good to get away from home." "Yes," I said sounding even more sad." I do not want to go but things happen. "Speaking of packing I better go do mine." "I can help," Finn offered. "Shure." We went to my room and started packing. I picked out some cloaths and he folded them while we chatted. It felt nice to chat and forget about things. "Are you going to pack some makeup or perfume from the vanity," Finn asked. He does not know that was my mother's vanity. "No." My response was delayed. "all done!" Finn said happily." He doesn't even know my dad works for a blackmarket organization. I don't want him to ever know. "What does your dad do, like for work?" Finn asked. I can't tell him what he truly does. I took a second before I responded. "He works in sales." I don't like lying, even white lies. You have to lie more to cover them up. lies are like tape holding together a building. It will fall. "I should get going." Finn said to me sadly. "Yes. Just remember You are only ready if you believe you are." I walked him out the door and hugged him goodbye. I went back inside and made some dinner. I had skipped lunch. I hope Finn ate before he came over. our fridge is pretty empty. I warmed up yesterday's soup in the microwave. It was turmeric chicken soup. Once it was done it made that annoying beeping noise. I ate alone at the table. My father was still in his room probably packing. My soup is still a little cold but I don't feel like warming it up more. I didn't really think while eating the soup. I just sat there depressingly. once I was done I washed my dishes in the sink. The sponge was old and we definitely need a new one but it does the job. I put the dishes on the drying rack when I finished washing them. "Hi toters, how has your day been?" Toters is our cat. He is fat and old. She is a ham. I don't want to sleep alone do you want to come to bed with me? He purred and rubbed against my legs. It was moms idea to get a cat. We got her from the pound. She is an indoor-outdoor cat. She spends most of her time indoors but poos in the neighbor's yard. toters occasionally venture further down the street to see someone. She has a little bell on her color with a worn-down nameplate with her name and mom's old phone number. I picked up Toters and took him to my room. I sat him on my bed and when to take a shower. I wonder if Toters understands moms death. Does she ever get sad that mom is gone? Toters have always been more attached to me than any other person in our house. I dried off with a used towel. and got dressed in some old clothes. Specifically, sweatpants and a T-shirt from the dentist's office. I sat down on the bed beside the Taters and pet him. Taters started purring loudly. "Do you ever feel like you want to run away and start a new life and just forget everything but you care about people and you're... just a confused mess," I intimately asked Taters. "Puurrr," Was his only response. "I wish you could talk." I lay down and fell asleep petting Taters. His purring soothed my worries. I just couldn't stop thinking about the trip tomorrow. I know I did not sleep well. stress overwelmed me. Taters fell asleep by my side.