I've always had a feeling that I would die young. Ever since I started pondering on deaths door I've had this feeling. I could care less about the hell and heaven shenanigans, but death. I want it. The end of my life.
I want to be in my suit, in my...
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Swallowing the horrible acid taste in my mouth. My stomach aches, and I flip over in bed as more tears roll down my check. I wrap the thin blanket over my cold body as I groan and struggle to breath. There is a bowl beside my bed with puke in it and my shirt soaked in sweat on floor.
The morning light peaks through the small openings of my blinds causing the pain in my head to grow stronger. I groan, closing my eyes as I grit my teeth and shiver. Bringing my knees up to my chest and grabbing my pillow as I cry into it.
No one really tells you the pain you will have to endure to get clean. No one says that you're going to have to do this on your own.
I've been clean for about two weeks now. I haven't gone to school in about two weeks now. My flu lie is going to catch up with me soon if I don't stop the pain. I keep fighting the intrusive thoughts, panic attacks and headaches.
The door swings open, causing me to look up from my pillow. My dad stands by the doorway with a look on his face that already tells me he's not happy. "What?" Sinking back into my pillow, I wipe the tears on my cheek. "What's wrong with you?" He questions me, taking a step closer and immediately noticing the bowl of puke on the floor. His face scrunches up as he looks down at me. "I think I have the flu."
I wipe the thick layer of sweat off my forehead, taking the blanket off my upper half. "Why did your school phone me about you constantly bunking?" He starts and my body shuts off immediately. I'm too tired to even try to argue with him. "I'm not sure, dad." Slowly I sit up, feeling my back hit the cold leather of my headboard.
He crosses his arms over his chest. "What's going on with you, Noah?" Internally rolling my eyes, I continue to listen to him. "You're never home. You're failing classes. You're never at school." He says in an oddly calm voice. Maybe he's yelling, but I've chosen to ignore it. "You're making this family look bad!" And now he's yelling.
When he notices how uninterested I am in this conversation. He grabs my headphones off my bed, flinging it across the room. It hits the wall and shatters. It's like he has something against headphones.
I quickly stand up yelling at him. "Why'd you do that?" He doesn't answer, instead he takes a step closer. He keeps coming closer, managing to corner me by my closet.
My broken headphones lay on the floor as I internally grieve them. "I'm just skipping a few classes. Big deal." Shrugging, I watch his entire face scrunch up as he blinks a few times, trying to understand what I just said.
"Big deal!" He screams, pushing me against the closet. I don't think I'm in any mood to keep up this argument, but I really need to explain myself here. "You're failing!" Rolling my eyes, I feel him push me again.
"Don't fucking roll your eyes at me!" He pushes me again and again, fuelling up my anger. I clench my teeth and firm a fist. My knuckles begin to turn white. My chest rises and falls with heavy breaths as he pushes me again. "This is ridiculous!" He yells and in an instant, I push him hard.
