I've always had a feeling that I would die young. Ever since I started pondering on deaths door I've had this feeling. I could care less about the hell and heaven shenanigans, but death. I want it. The end of my life.
I want to be in my suit, in my...
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After all that... this is how it ends. Life has been separated into "Noah" and "after Noah." And you can't decide where you're placed. Life has become torturous the minute I was placed in the "after Noah" category.
I'm forced to remember, to commemorate all the memories I've shared with him.
My eyes wander around the people sitting in all black in this graveyard with tears in their eyes just when the priest calls me up. I stand up straight, walking towards the dark shade of brown casket decorated in blue and white flowers.
There's a photo of Noah beside the casket. It's a photo of him sitting on the beach, with his legs bent out in front of him and his hands hooked together under his knees. His hair is overgrown yet slightly neat as he looks into the camera, a half-smile on his face. The sun is setting behind him, making the sky a beautiful orange shade which brightens up his skin. He looks so happy in the photo.
I glance back at the crowd, seeing all his family and friends from the states and Portugal. However, my eyes specifically land on his direct family. My heart aches for them as Mr. Duarte watches with a still face and tears in his eyes, Mrs. Duarte holds onto her husbands hand for support while Norah silently cries into Atlas's shoulder. I might have lost my best friend, but they lost their only son and brother.
His parents asked me to speak at his funeral, but I don't know what to say. "I didn't really know Noah-"
"Weren't you two like best friends!" Someone shouts from the crowd and my head snaps to them. I'm unable to see who it is. "This is my speech!" I shout, clearing my throat as I continue. "I mean he used to surf and he played lacrosse." I scratch my chin as I come up with random facts about him. I should've written a prepared speech instead of just coming up here. "He also liked his dog, gummy worms and his car." I pull at the skin around my thumb as I struggle to scrape some words.
"Noah hated running. For a lacrosse captain, he wined and complained every time Coach Foley made him do a mile especially at moments we could all see something was bothering him." I sniffle, feeling my hands begin to shake. "It was a distraction for him. We just didn't know how bad those thoughts were bothering him." My eyes land on Coach Foley as he fights against the tears that want to flow.
"When I first met Noah, I didn't like him." I gulp down the pain. "He was a weird kid who would skateboard around the estate while wearing a Batman t-shirt. But as time went by I learnt that he enjoyed weird music, weird activities, weird clothing, weird hobbies and everyone grew a liking towards him... including me."
Tears begin to sting my eyes as I feel my heart hammering through my chest. "Um- sorry, I'm..." my voice cracks as I take a step back from his casket. In an instant, my mom comes up to me, slowly taking me away from Noah. "Let's go sit down." She whispers, wrapping her arm around me as we make our way back to our seats. I tried to say something, but there's still so much I want to say.
