Watch Me Drown

24. Blood draw

TW: blood draw

(Abby's point of view)

It was 9:23 AM, and I already had a headache. It was over a week after I agreed to do testing. It was finally time for the appointment. I really don't know how we managed to get an appointment so soon. It was pure luck. It was at 10:30, in the morning, so we were leaving relatively early. At least, early for us. I was getting blood work done, and an MRI. That was what the hospital had said was best. Mhm, another hospital trip. Yippee. I had not eaten or drank anything all morning. It wasn't super bad, given that I had only been up for a few hours, but I definitely could feel it. There was the headache, of course, and I felt a little bit lightheaded, and also a little bit shaky, though that was also nerves.

"Is it gonna be hard for you if I get a coffee?" Julien asked me in the car.

There was a Dunkin Donuts in sight.

"Go ahead," I told her, laughing a bit. She had been trying to make me laugh or smile all morning. "I don't mind. I don't even want a coffee."

"Thank you!" She sighed as she pulled into the drive through.

I was wearing sweatpants and my emotional support Conan Gray "Superache" tour t-shirt. Julien was wearing something similar, but instead her shirt was for Paramore. She had been quietly singing along to "She" by Dodie when we got to the hospital. I had done a cover of it once, so I knew it by heart, and we loved that song, yet that day I was too anxious to sing as well. After Julien parked and shut off the music, she turned to me, and we just looked at each other for a minute.

"I'm glad you're doing this." She said softly.

"I will be too," I agreed. "After I do it."

"That's the spirit!" She exclaimed, then got out of the car before I could answer.

I shook my head, chuckling, and went to open my door. She was already there, and opened it for me. When I got out, she took my hand, and we walked in together.

It was a different part of the hospital. We'd only ever gone to the emergency room. This area was for actual appointments, not disasters. It wasn't crazy like the ER. It was actually really quiet. A few people were on the phone. Some were reading. Some were just waiting. Julien sat in one of the chairs while I got signed in. I joined her afterwards, and she immediately took my hand again.

"Did you ask how long the MRI is?" She questioned.

"No longer than 45 minutes." I grimaced.

"Can you listen to music while you're in there?"

"Maybe. I forgot to ask that."

"Oh my god, if you can, play the weirdest thing you can think of."

"Like what?"

She smirked. "You could play 'WAP' on repeat."

"Julien!" I hit her arm.

"Just an idea!" She shrugged.

The wait wasn't too long. The time passed too quickly, actually. I felt very unprepared when my name was called and we walked across the waiting room to the nurse. A tiny bit of anxiety disappeared when she said Julien could come with, at least for the blood draw. We were brought to a hallway that had a bunch of curtain rooms. The nurse led us inside, had me sit in a hard plastic chair, and left to get whatever stuff she needed. Julien leaned against the wall to my left. We were in one of the first rooms, so there was a wall.

"Alright," The nurse said when she was back, needles and all her blood drawing thingys in hand. "Time for some fun!"

I faked a small laugh. I was glad when it didn't turn into a sob.

The nurse got everything prepared while making conversation with us. I wasn't very worried about the draw. It was the MRI I was stressed about. I wasn't super claustrophobic. I was more worried about being alone and not talking for almost an hour. No, it's not that I can't shut the hell up (well...get me started about the right things, and we'll be here a while). It's more...where would my brain go? When I was left alone with nothing to do, nothing to read, nothing to watch, I was bound to spiral about something. I knew I had never dealt with my grief. I knew that I just shoved it away anytime it tried to resurface. What if that came up? Sometimes it did get out, in tiny bursts, whether that meant crying or yelling or some other way. That was something that Julien never brought up. Who would want to? Maybe someday, if I got stuck in a cycle of grief, she would. 

I had gotten stuck once before. It was a few days before my first Christmas without my grandmother. It was also my first Christmas without my family. I would've been alone, but Julien invited me to come to Memphis with her, after she saw how out of it and depressed I was. We had been dating for a few months by then. It ended up being one of my favorite Christmases. I hung out with her and her immediate family all week, then ate Christmas dinner with her whole family. On Christmas Eve, when we were in bed, falling asleep, I started crying, and then I couldn't stop. It all hit me then, that my grandmother wouldn't be coming over for lunch the next day, how every Christmas had been. It isn't my proudest moment. Julien held me as I was practically hysterical. She knew about my grandma by then. When she had gotten me to calm down, she decided to give me my presents early, to cheer me up. That was when I decided that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.

That memory was enough to distract me from the blood draw. I snapped back to reality when the nurse placed a bandaid in the crook of my arm.

"Great job!" She said. "I have grown men come in here and pass out. You barely flinched."

I smiled a little, still coming back from my daydreaming. The nurse left us to to tell the other staff that I was ready for the MRI.

"Julien?" I said.

"Yeah?" She had been somewhat quiet.

"Give me a memory to think about?" I asked. "When I'm in there." 

"Good idea!" She agreed. "Hmm..."

We both thought for a moment, then she spoke.

"When we found each other." She offered, then grinned. "Tell me, Abby, what did you do after we first met?"

"I thought I already told you."

"Maybe...I think you should repeat it."

I sighed. "I listened to 'Sofia' by Clairo everyday until I saw you again."

Julien smiled her beautiful, cheeky smile. I blushed.

"I love you." She added.

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There will be Abby and Julien's meet-cute in the next update (: