Watch Me Drown

43. Hospital

TW: needles

(Julien's point of view)

I was afraid to move. Afraid to speak. Afraid to breathe. Like if I did anything, the steady beeping would go crazy. I didn't make any sudden movements. I just bit my lip.

"It's alright." The doctor said quietly, and walked into the room.

I reluctantly followed her, my feet dragging across the tile floor. I didn't know what to say, or do. I just stared at Abby.

She looked a little better. There was more color in her lips. Her hair, which had been damp and decorated with dirt and pieces of grass, was dry and fanned around her head. Multiple blankets were pulled up to her elbows. There were a bunch of wires and tubes connected to her arms and chest. An air cannula ran along her face, hooking into her nose, and then across the other side. She was in a hospital gown. And her eyes were closed. I wandered up to the side of the bed, my hand held out as if I was going to stroke her hair.

"You can touch her." The doctor whispered. I looked up at her. I read the name on her coat. Dr. Monroe. Noted.

I ran my fingers through Abby's hair. I leaned down closer to her, and kissed her head. She smelled different.

"One of the nurses washed her hair." Dr. Monroe said.

"Oh. That's...that was very nice of them."

She nodded politely, and started to leave the room.

"Wait!" I said.

She paused in the doorway.

"Thank you," I sighed. "For keeping her alive. And everything else you did. But mostly for keeping her alive. Thank you."

The doctor smiled at me, and nodded again. "We aren't the only ones who kept her breathing."

Then she left, so I was alone with Abby. I just stood there for a while, watching her. The beeping didn't ever get annoying. Every beep was a reminder that she was alive. Beep...beep...beep...beep...

I finally tore myself away from her. I took off my sweater and tried to clean myself up in the tiny bathroom. I wasn't alone for long, though. As I was washing my face, I heard talking. I rushed out of the bathroom to see Abby's parents, eyes wide, staring at their daughter. They both looked frightened.

"Hi." I said bitterly.

They jumped, and looked at me. Then they looked shocked again. I looked down at myself, to make sure I wasn't half naked or something. Oh. With my undershirt, they could see all the tattoos on my arms. They had seen my hands, but never my sleeves. I tucked my arms behind me, and cleared my throat to snap them out of their terror.

"Hello, Julien." Her mother said quietly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"We just...wanted to check on her." Her father muttered.

"Well, she's not great." I snapped. "So now you know. See ya!"

"Julien..." He said.

I waited.

"We're so sorry." Her mother whispered.

I realized then that she was crying. Why was this lady crying?! She didn't have the right to, not when she'd been so horrible. I wanted to kick them out, to tell them to never speak to Abby again, to file for a restraining order right then. But I didn't. I just stood there, watching this woman cry over her injured daughter. Maybe if I closed my eyes she would disappear and I could try to sleep.

"We're terrible parents." She said. "Now I see that. I just wish that I could start over and love her."

"Maybe come back when she's awake," My own words surprised me. What was my mouth doing?! "So you can tell her that."