My Fake Fiancé

Chapter 9 : The Fight

This is such a beautiful song. Each and every line feels like it was written just for me. There are so many people who are stuck in the name of love in the place where they don't get what they deserve.

And for those people, as the song says,

"You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up."

"You can start a family who will always show you love.

You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own"

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*** Read this chapter with the song played in background for better effect ***

I took a deep breath. My mind was a mess. I had been awake until late in the morning. I'd barely slept for three hours. My brain felt like it had been squished the whole night. Exhaustion swallowed me whole when I tried to do some work.

I had to talk to Jamie. I couldn't ignore this like he had ignored all our past uncomfortable conversations. But I didn't know if he was normal today or just a jerk like yesterday.

I decided to put my mind to work to stop thinking and relax a bit when my mom came storming in. "What is this, Lillian?", she screamed at the top of her voice, making me shudder. I tried to talk, but my lips glued shut like they always did when my mother was pointlessly angry. Except this time, I didn't even know why.

I stood in front of her, expressionless, while my heart was in rags. Finally, after cursing me for ten minutes straight, she showed me a picture and inquired about it. "What the hell are you thinking, Lillian?"

I stared at the picture in disbelief. Something sour spread in my heart until I could taste it on my tongue. It was a zoomed-in shot of me and Alex, his hands on my shoulders.

"What kind of shitty thing were you doing these two months? You're engaged, and still, you want it so bad, huh?" The words hit me like a hammer right in the head. The whole world tuned out, and I stood there dumbfounded. Want it so bad? What did she think about me? To be honest, that wasn't new. My mother always talked like I was eager to throw myself at men, even if all I would've done was just give a courtesy smile to someone. But this time, it was different.

Slowly, I started to hear her angry words again. She had been bellowing the whole time. "Mom, that's just a friend", I said, knowing for sure that she wouldn't buy it.

"Just friend? You stand this close to a 'friend'? You let a 'friend' touch you? Do you think that's called friendship? Do you think a boy and a girl can be just friends?" She screamed, dramatically placing her hand on her chest.

"His hands are just on my shoulders!!! Why can't a guy and a girl be friends?", I was losing composure. I knew no good could happen if I shouted back. But this was just too much. I'd kept quiet a lot of times, even when I was innocent, because she'd never care to listen, even if I explained. But this was way over the limit. If I let her think about me like that, I'll forever have to avoid doing things to not mislead her. "And Jamie was right next to me in the picture!!!" I hated to use another man to prove my innocence, but I had no other choice.

"You did that even when your fiancé was around??? How did I give birth to such a girl? I'm ashamed of you. This was the reason we didn't allow you to hang out with your friends. This was the reason we didn't allow you to get a job. This was exactly what we tried to prevent. In the end, you proved us right, haven't you?"

I knew better than to answer her. It would be like pouring kerosene over an already flaming fire over which I was going to be barbecued.

"Answer me, Lillian Gray. Do you even remember how much we suffered when we caught you fooling around with that boy? Do you remember how much we were hurt because of you? If I had told your dad about what you did, you would've been happily married with two kids now. It is my fault, feeling pity for you". My heart started to crumble. The only thing that made me guilty was this. Falling in love with him. But it was also the only time I was really happy. Back then, I saw how much my mom was scarred because of that. I saw how much I hurt her just by being happy. It killed me to watch her in agony. It killed me to know that I was the cause of that agony. I decided to never do that again. I was just not meant to be happy. Any hint of happiness would always be followed by unbearable sorrow.

"Your dad trusted you when he let you have a job. Jamison trusted you when he let you do whatever you wanted. But you betrayed all of us. Your real character is now revealed, isn't it? You're a stain on our family."

Wait. My expression turned skeptical and accusing. "How did you get that picture?" I didn't use any social platforms. Jamie didn't post me. The other guys had no connection with my family. "Are you stalking me?" My rage erupted, my composure tearing apart. All the guilt I felt for an instant disappeared without any trace.

"That doesn't concern you. We can't let you live by yourself and not supervise. You went to these lengths even when we supervised. I don't know what lengths you would've gone to if we hadn't. Maybe you already have done everything, and we are ignorant fools", she said, no trace of regret in her fuming face.

"Supervise? You think I'm a kid to supervise. I'm an adult, and I'm free to do anything I want. For the record, I didn't even do anything wrong". I tried to calm my voice down. I don't want to make my stay here worse.

"Nothing wrong? Do you think you did nothing wrong? You think being a whore is doing nothing wrong?"

My breathing ceased. I was standing still as a statue, my head dizzy. One word. Just one single word from my mother, and my whole world came crashing down.

'Whore'

That was what she thought I was. A fucking whore. For some reason, I didn't cry. I felt numb from head to toe. It felt like my heart had given up all hope and lost the battle it had been fighting for all these years. There was no way to change her. There was no way to change any of them. I had to change. I had to give them up. That was the reality, and it took me just fifteen seconds and a single word to realize it.

With no reason to stay there anymore, I packed my things and left the house, leaving my enraged mother screaming at the top of her lungs. She didn't deserve my sacrifice. She didn't deserve my love. But that was the thing about love. You always give it to people who don't deserve it.

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For those who think a little bit of love is worth going through a hell lot of bitching,

WAKE UP.