My Fake Fiancé

Chapter 15 : Broken Heart

I woke up to the blinding sunlight from the open window shades. Where was I? Ah right! The trip. Jamie. I could sense someone in the bed behind me. Thinking it was Jamie, I turned around silently to see Elle sleeping like a cute bunny. Why was she here again?

I slowly got off the bed without disturbing her and stretched, basking in the sunlight. "You're up." I turned around and saw Anya walking into the room. Shit. I wasn't prepared for this at all.

"Hey," I murmured, feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry," she said, leaving me frozen. "My tone was a little off. I know. I shouldn't have asked it like that."

"And I shouldn't have shouted at you. I promise I won't do it again. I'm sorry," I blurted out. My heart grew lighter. Just one word did the magic, and it had taken me so long to say it.

She waved her hand in the air, signaling that it was okay. "I just didn't expect it. In my mind, you belong with Jamie. I know both of you have denied it, but I can't shake that image. It felt treacherous to think you liked Joel. Yet I shouldn't have judged you."

For some obvious reason that I decided to deny, my heart fluttered in my rib cage. She didn't say belong to. She said she belong with. And I had been longing for years to belong with someone.

"Even you don't seem to be reacting much to what I said." She said it with a frown. "But that idiot dared to throw a tantrum about it." She clenched her fists, and I realized that I had never seen her angry. I made a mental note to never get on her bad side.

"Who? Jamie?"

She was furious. "Who else? I was in a really bad mood and so confused that I let him lecture me. That son of a-" She cut the words when she glanced at my startled face.

I wondered what Jamie had said to make her so mad. She looked like she might burst if I opened my mouth.

She sighed, unclenching her fists. "Yesterday, he came around to get your bag. I told him what happened. I explained why I didn't like the thought of Joel with you. And just like that, without a warning, he blew up like a steam engine." She chuckled, but I couldn't even force myself to smile back. I needed to make sure.

"Why exactly was he angry?" I asked, suppressing the thoughts that were racing through my mind like wildfire.

"I said the same exact thing I told you. That I think you belong with him. I don't know what is wrong with me having some hope for his fucked-up future." She noticed me now. Too late.

"Um... Lilly, are you alright?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Where's Jamie now?" I faked a smile. She knew something was wrong, but let me go.

"Somewhere in the next block, I think," she said as I left the room in search of a man who was playing with my fucking feelings. As I scuffed my feet against the floor, slowing the inevitable, the question haunted me.

Did he hate the idea of him and me? Was everything just friendship to him and nothing more?

Somewhere, through self-denial, I had given into the feelings of the heart and let myself build a tiny spark of hope. False hope that made me believe that I could have a happy life just like everyone else. Again, it was proven that the mind was always right, not the heart.

***

"I still love you, Jamison." I heard the voice before I could see the sight that would bore into my heart and pour hot charcoal into it.

Jamie stood there in the corridor, facing the other way from me. I quickly hid beside a pillar and peeked at them. The girl was holding Jamie's hand. I recognized her from the other car. She was one of Alex's friends. Probably Jessica. But the worst part was that Jamie was not pulling away.

"Jess, it was never-"

She cut him off with a kiss. I felt tears cloud my vision. Jamie still didn't push her away. He stood there still as a statue. He didn't seem to kiss her back, but that didn't mean he didn't want it.

I turned away from them, as I no longer had the mental strength to watch. I leaned on the wall and let my tears mourn for something that ended even before it had started. I deserved it. It was my punishment for letting myself fall in love again.

"I'll never forget you," she said after I heard them break apart. "I'll never forget what we had. The time we spent together. The things we did together. The thousand times we kissed are still ingrained in my heart."

A kiss was not a big deal. People kissed all the time. Right?

"Do you remember the first time we slept together?" My heart shattered into a million pieces. Jamie had only dated one girl, and she was dead. That was what I had been told. Did that mean that they lied to me? To set me up with him?

"I was not at my best self then," Jamie said in a raspy voice. But there was no conviction or surety in his voice. Was he making excuses?

"But you were two months ago." The girl was angry now. "The last time we did that was just two months ago, Jamison. Don't act like a decade has passed."

Two months? That was when I met him.

"I have no idea what changed in these two months, but you chose to dump me even without an explanation? After all the things I did for you?

"Jess understand. What we had was just-"

"What? Just what?" She was yelling by now. "Don't say friends with benefits because we did a lot more than that. I was there when you were frustrated. I was there when you were sad. I was there for your ups and downs. You took me for granted and used me like a toy. Aren't you responsible for what you made me feel?"

"I am," he said.

"Then will you try to work it out with me instead of running away?"

I couldn't listen to it anymore. I was afraid that what I was going to hear would forever leave a hole in my already broken heart. I was afraid that I would never dare to love again. I was afraid that I would never dare to live again.

I ran away. Just like how I always ran away from my problems. Just like how I always ran away from the people I cared about. Just like how I ran away from love. And this time, I knew for sure I would never come back.

<------------------------->

Poor Lilly!

Who do you think Jessica is? What her relationship with Jamie? Is it all in Lilly's head? Did Jamie think she's just a friend?