My Fake Fiancé

Chapter 12 : I wish

I was in a dark chamber. My night vision still hadn't kicked in, but I felt like I needed to move or I would not live to see tomorrow. So I blindly walked forward in utter darkness until I hit my leg on something and stumbled. A strong pair of hands caught me. I glanced up to see who it was, but suddenly a blinding light flashed from behind the man, and all I could see was his silhouette. I felt an indescribable fondness for the person in front of me until I heard him say the word. Until I heard Jamie's voice booming in my mind, echoing everywhere in the darkness.

"Whore"

I jerked off my bed, startled. My face was covered in sweat. My sheets were on the floor. My phone was ringing on the table. 

Dream. It was just a dream. 

My heart was pounding frantically, and my breath came out in little puffs. I placed my hand on my chest and tried to calm myself.

Jamie would never, I said to myself. Jamie would never think about me like that. He would never call me that. Then my confidence slipped. My mind went in spirals. But what if he did? My chest felt heavy. What if he, just like my parents, thought I was just another girl caring only about boys?

I clutched my shirt again, tighter this time. No. No. No. Don't think like that. I forced myself to remember what Riya had said.

When you forget what you felt anyway, why bother to not be happy just to not be sad later?

I had forgotten all about the people who had humiliated me. If Jamie thought of me like that, he would eventually go away from my life. Simple, wasn't it? But for some reason, just the thought felt like drilling a hole in my heart and pouring burning hot lava into it.

Vrrr. Vrrr.

My phone buzzed again, and I decided to put aside my delusions. It was Anya.

"Hey girl!" she said in curious enthusiasm.

"Hey," I said a few seconds too late, and she let out her breath like she had been holding it. Right. Jamie would've told her what had happened, for sure. Though she may not know the exact details, she might've gotten the gist of it.

"You have leave for four days, right?" she asked, and I was confused. Why was she asking irrelevant questions?

"Yeah, but I'll be pretty busy. You know, I have some wo-". She didn't let me finish the sentence.

"Postpone, or reschedule, or do whatever you have to do. You're taking extra two days leave and are going on a trip, and that's final". She added, "No laptops allowed." She said it all so fast that my brain took a few humiliating seconds to comprehend the sentence.

"Wait? A trip? Why all of a sudden?" I asked her, but I already knew why.

"Just a change of air. It's good for us to travel once in a while, isn't it?" She said it so confidently, like it was the real reason.

"I'm still waiting," I said while tapping my feet on the floor.

"Ugh. Fine. Jamie told me that you had a fight with your mom and left home. So we thought, Why not?"

"Do you think I buy it?" I asked. I really wasn't sure if I was right, but it never hurts to try.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" she said, annoyed. I waited for the answer.

"Here's the whole truth. Yes, he told me that you had a fight, and he also told me that you kind of said something like you hated him. Yet he wanted to make you feel better. Now that he couldn't predict your response, he asked me to make it look like a group act that doesn't involve him personally bothering you."

I just replied with a "Mm." It was more difficult to avoid a person when they are the sweetest, most considerate person in the whole world and you can't help but act like a jerk to them.

Anya sighed. "Look, Lilly, I don't know what happened, but we care for you. We all do. It's not just Jamie. When I heard him describe how miserable you were yesterday, I too felt like it was my responsibility to make you feel better. So don't get mad at him for planning this. And I don't know what you think of him or what you want him to do. But remember, he cares for you more than anything, and you can't hate someone for that."

I understood why she was saying that. It wasn't her fault for thinking that I hated Jamie. It sure looked like that yesterday when I panicked and fled from him. Jamie would've thought the same, right? He would've thought I didn't like him comforting me. He would've thought that I didn't like him hugging me when the truth was the opposite. I liked it. And that was exactly the problem. I liked it so much that I would give away the rest of my life just to stay in his warmth forever.

When she spoke again, her tone was soft and sympathetic; I wondered who it was for—me or Jamie. "I won't ask you to treat him well. I don't know what has happened between you two. But don't hurt him. He's already been hurt a lot."

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest that made me flinch. Anya's words always hit the spot right where she wants them to.

I heard Jamie say something in the background. Anya started, "Lilly, Jamie wants to say-" Then she stopped abruptly. She thought for a second and said to him, "You know what, Jamie? Tell her yourself. I'm not a messenger pigeon to help you get back together with your true love."

I wish. I wish I was his love.

She continued, oblivious to my brooding. "And Lilly, don't forget the trip. We'll be off tomorrow morning at seven." With that, I heard the phone being handed over and her footsteps fading away.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, he said, "I won't take your time. I just thought you needed to know that your father called me after you left. He was panicking that you were lost. Apparently, your mom thought you'd return in a few hours. She didn't expect you to leave. I told them you were safe with me. So don't think they don't care about you. They do, even if it's not enough."

Yes. It wasn't enough. It was never enough. My parents knew exactly how to give me just enough to stick with them forever, at the expense of my own happiness. Not more. Not less. Just enough.

But this wasn't the time to think about them. I had hurt someone who had given me only happiness. Someone who had wanted me to have everything that I had ever wanted. Jamie was not the person from my nightmare, and he would never be. As Anya said, I had hurt him, and I didn't want to do that anymore.

His voice was unsure when he spoke again. "Okay, then... I think I'll... hang up."

I didn't say anything except "thank you" before I hung up.

<------------------->

Lilly should've apologised. Don't you think?

Let's see what happens in the trip.