Chapter 25

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Ziyad

"How was your first day back?" Mubarak asks looking at himself in the mirror for the millionth time in the past hour.

"It was awkward but it will get better." I toss my basketball up and catch it.

Amma and Uncle had organized Mubarak and Nafisa to meet today at our house to properly introduce themselves and get to know each other a bit and I was asked to be there and sort of invigilate the whole thing. Keep it halal. We were waiting up in my room until Nafisa finished getting ready and then we headed downstairs to the living room.

They started their conversation, it was painfully cringy the way they were both talking awkwardly as if they hadn't met before. I found myself zoning out. I still haven't texted Hidaya since what happened and it felt really unnatural. I had gotten so used to messaging her throughout the day that not doing so felt weird. But what do I even tell her? I practically ghosted her and then quit driving her yesterday. I still remember the way she looked at me, her gaze felt cold. I miss her, I really do.

"Hey, dude! Come back to earth" Mubarak claps to get my attention.

"Sorry, were you saying something?"

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Hidaya

It has been a week since Ziyad quit, I've been studying at home and also at Zahra's. Do I miss him? Yes, I do but I also hate him. It shouldn't hurt this much, it shouldn't hurt at all but it does. I hate how fragile I am, how much this has broken me. But I've also been doing a lot to take care of myself like Adda had suggested. I've been watching tedtalks to help me with self confidence and even help me take care of my mental health better.
I've been working towards accepting what happened as it is. Not everyone has to love you and that's okay. You just have to love yourself.

"Love is a really weird thing Hidaya. Give it too much and it's a problem, give too little and it's also a problem. But giving it to the wrong person is the worst!" I recall my conversation with Adda.

"I never believed the saying that women should never love men more until I met your brother and I know this may sound weird but...." She paused "I love him, I love him
So much that sometimes I feel my heart is too little to contain the love I have for him. But I never show it, I show enough but never too much and that helps to keep the balance.

"They're the 'men' for a reason, they're supposed to love more than we do, they give and we receive. If you as the lady give more than he does, it will throw off the balance and become a problem. So let him be the man, let him come to you, let him love you. Just sit back and receive!"

I kept replaying her words in my head and it helped me a lot. It helped me realize my self worth. I shouldn't have told him I loved him, I still feel that way. But I believe everything happens for a reason so I've accepted my mistake and I'm learning from it, I'm now somewhat happy I told him because if I hadn't it wouldn't have helped me realize my self worth.
I finish getting ready and slide on my tote bag.

"All you have to do is focus on crushing this final exam and you will be free from the shackles of school." I say to myself in the mirror.

Zahra was running unbelievably late and her phone wasn't going through. Yaya had insisted Ziyad to take me to school but I disagreed and told him I would go with Zahra instead but the fool was running late so I decided to take a keke instead. I know if he finds out he will kill me but I have to at least pretend.

After saying goodbye to mama I pretend Zahra was waiting outside for me and I sprint out. I was walking to the main road when a car behind me started honking. I move more into the sidewalk thinking I was maybe blocking the road but it kept honking. Annoyed I look back to see who it was and it was none other than Ziyad. He stops the car, gets out and walks to me.

"What are you doing here?" I ignore my racing heart.

"I'm here to take you to school, Assalam Alaykum." His stupidly annoying but nice voice said.

"I didn't ask for you to come, I can go to school on my own." I fumed feeling my chest burn with anger.

"Hidaya please get in the car, I'm just doing my job." He presses his fingers to his temple.

"Your job? I thought you quit! Didn't you? What other job are you referring to?" I snapped.

"Today is my last day on the job. I still have to take you to your exam so please don't make this hard on the both of us." He begs.

"Ziyad I don't want anything to do with you. I don't want to get in your car, I'd rather walk to school." I turn around and start walking to the road.

He doesn't move for like 30 seconds but then he gets back into the car and follows me to the road. I stand by the side of the very busy Tuesday morning road feeling overwhelmed and just then his car pulls up beside me. He rolls down the window.

"Hidaya this is not safe." He tells over the hundreds of cars honking.

"I'm not going anywhere with you!" I yell back.

"Hidaya!" He loudly avowed getting my attention. "Get in the car!" He stares into my soul his eyes leaving no chance for argument. And so I get in the car, the backseat. There's no way in hell I'm sitting in the passenger seat with him in the car ever again.

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Ziyad

Throughout the ride, neither of us said a word. Not even a cough, it was the longest ride ever filled with silence and awkwardness. I kept checking on her through the rear view mirror and at one point I could've sworn I saw her wiping a tear off her face. We soon arrived and before the car completely stopped she undid her seatbelt and grabbed her bag.

"Wait..." I stopped her. "What time should I come pi..." but she doesn't let me finish. She walks out and slams the door. I've never seen her this angry before. I sigh defeatedly and make my way out of the school and off to work.

About 4 hours later, I sprint out of the office to my car telling the secretary I'll be out. I drive to the school, she has to be done by now. I kept thinking to myself. On arriving, the whole school was crowded. Students throwing papers all around, some popping confetti to celebrate finishing exams. Some where dancing and there was a whole traffic caused by some male students performing some type of show. I eventually slip through and drive to their department. I roll down the windows searching around to see if I can find her, I eventually do but there were two cars between us. She was waving at some of her classmates and then she got into a car.

Who's car is that? I honk angrily at the car in front of me and as we started moving, I catch a glimpse of her and Zahra driving. She was with Zahra. I heave a sigh of relief and slump into my seat lightly punching the steering wheel.

That's it...I lost her.

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