So it's a deal then

.+Chapter 14+.

"Okay, I love Heaven! Vaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!"

"Those are just rainbow sprinkles."

"I had one last weekend when I went out for ice cream."

"Emily's going to take me to a zoo where all the animals are actually soft! You both coming?"

"Nope, I am going to sleep!"

"Uh, I need a break. But hug a koala for me."

"O.M.G! Can you imagine an actual koala? see you later!" Charlie leaves the room, and I lay on the bed. Hell is not bad compared to heaven. We just have more violence, sex, drugs, you know, fun stuff. Here everyone seems so uptight and fake. Something seems super off. Vaggie looks at me with a sigh.

"She's way too happy about being here," I nodded in agreement. Vaggie lies on the other bed, not even letting her close her eyes a knock at the door occurs.

"Well, I'm not getting up," she groaned and stood back up walking to the door. Only for it to reveal Adam.

"Hey, there Vag-asaurus! And Y/n too!"

"Charlie will be back soon. You need to get out now." He enters the room and I stand up, tilting my head. He wants something...

"I'm not looking for the blonde, babe. I'm looking for you. Also, Y/n calm down your tits. You have very nice tits. By the way, you must get them from your mother. Man, she had great tits."

"To bad you couldn't have them long enough even to touch them"

"I was just joking, babe! Now anyway Vaggie, I'm here for you!"

"Why?"

"Maybe 'cause you left the band; you tried for a solo career, or I guess it's more of a... duet!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Do you really think I wouldn't recognize one of my top girls just cuz you're out of uniform?" What the fuck! Vaggie is an Angel... I turn to her just to see her face pale.

"You were on the front lines. I wouldn't forget a bad bitch like you. It's why I named you after the best thing ever. Vaggie."

"Actually, it's pronounced Vaggie." That's not the fucking point! You were an Angel?!

"Hmmmmm- no. Anyway, you sure fucked up, didn't you?" I shift to look at Vaggie as all color drains from her face. "To think someone as worthless as you landed little hottie. 'Grats on that, I guess."

"Their love is vile and blasphemous."

"Like you have any bitch!" Lute growled at me as I stuck my tongue out. Call me childish because I very much am.

"Hey, Lute is my bitch! But I wonder what your bitch would think if she found out you are actually one of us, hmmm?"

"Well, her sister now knows!"

"What do you want?" She pushed herself in front of me.

"Simple, you work for me again and at the hearing, you're gonna help me shut this kindergarten snowflake bullshit down for good."

"Nope... Cause I could just tell Charlie now, meaning your leverage is gone bitch!" I pull out my phone and start texting... Not Charlie, but Angel just giving him some of the tea.

"Well, bitch, I guess I'll have to take you out then..."

"To dinner?" I spoke looking up from my phone... "Cause if you mean you'll kidnap me, good luck bitch! Maybe I'm into that kink" I smirk and flutter my eyelashes at him. What the hell is wrong with me... did Angel possess me or some shit?

"Oh, you bitch, I like you a lot!" Rolling my eyes at his comment, he turns to Lute and whispers something to her. Then turns back to us. "See you in court, bitches!" Once he leaves, I sigh and turn to Vaggie.

"Heya Angelic Vagina" I spoke to her, and she growled at me.

"Y/n shut the fuck up!"

"Why, I'm only messing with you! So you're an angel? You know those flying bitches and shit, hey do you have wings like me or are you not cool?"

"Shut up! I'm trying to think!" She sits back on her and Charlie's bed.

"Watcha thinking about?" I spoke and kicked my legs up and laid on my stomach, Yes I'm just copying Alastor at this point. She ignored me and I sighed, getting bored. I turn back to my phone... many times like these I wish Alastor had a phone... but Mr fancy Creepy Voice, doesn't like much after 1930s

-time skip-

"Oh no, not him again!" Adam flies up to Lute and sits down. I roll my eyes. He's annoying.

"What up, baby? Saw that you went to my manager. Low blow, Karen." I laugh and Charlie sends me a look. I need to fix my humor.

"We are gathered here today to determine whether or not a soul in Hell can be redeemed into the heavenly realm via means of this 'Hazbin Hotel'. Princess Morningstar?"

"Thank you, Seraphim. Webster's dictionary defines redemption as—"

"Objection, lame and unoriginal." He has a point...

"Sustained. No further dictionary references, please."

"Right, ok, uh, uh... uhhmmmm..." All she has are dictionary references!

"If you have actual evidence, then show it already."

"We have a patron right now who is making incredible progress!" If she says Sir Pentious, I will cry. Angel is doing much better.

"Who?"

"Angel Dust." FUCK YEAH BITCH.

"Oh yeah, the porn demon. He's totally worth being redeemed."

"How would you know he's a porn demon? Hmmm?" I speak, and Charlie hits my shoulder.

"Well, if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?"

"Uhmm... w-well... Uhh..." Bitch doesn't even know

"Is everything ok, Adam?" Nope, it's never okay, especially not for Mr 'dickmaster' over there.

"Give me a fucking minute, ok?" He just swore in heaven he must go to hell now! He writes on a piece of paper and snaps it over to Vaggie, who reads it.

"Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man. Are you fucking serious?" He's always serious

"Uh, yeah. Sure got me here, didn't it? Right, Sera?" Also, her name Sera, is unoriginal, like she's a seraphim man. Her parents must be really bad at naming kids.

"He was the first human soul in Heaven..."

"Well, I bet Angel is doing all of those things right now!" You let him go out on a night in town. Also, when I was texting him, he said he was going clubbing. Good luck.

"Then let's fucking see it bruh!" Adam snaps his fingers, and an orb appears and Angel and the rest of them appear. Wait, does this mean they can see us whenever?

"Your honor, may I present exhibit A." This is never gonna end...