Luke spent the night last night because I may have given him a hickey and he didn't want his mom questioning him. And he probably just wanted to stay the night.
In the morning I get woken up to Luke giving me kisses all over my face. I roll over and he says,"I chose your outfit for today and made you breakfast!" I kiss him,"You didn't have to Lukey" "I wanted to do it for you though. So get up and get ready!," he says and then he kisses my forehead and leaves the room.
I take a shower and get dressed. Luke, of course, chose for me to wear his clothes today. I put on my make up and head down stairs to see me and Luke are matching. We both burst out laughing and he kisses my forehead.
"Clever move Hemmings," I say, my laughs calming down. "I wanted to do something cute," he replies.
We eat breakfast and wait outside for Calum. He soon came and we started walking. "I can't wait for my driving test because I'm so done with walking," I say. "I like walking with you though," Luke says with a pouty face. "Yes I do to, but when I get my driver's license I can just drive us all to school and we can spare more time in the morning," I reply.
"Okay. Before this conversation moves any further, will someone tell me why you two are matching," Calum butts in. "I went this morning and bought another one of these shirts and made Holly wear mine and I wore the new one," Luke says. "Why don't I get the new one," I say. "I saw you all day yesterday sniffing my shirt and you look good in my clothes," Luke announces.
"Are you guys together?," Calum asks. "No, I told you we were taking things slow," I say, although we're doing the exact opposite. "I saw you guys making out outside this morning though," Calum says clearly confused.
"Fine. We made out all last night and have been kissing this morning. No biggie," I say trying to act innocent. "Okay but let me tell you. That isn't taking things slow," he replies. Luke and I laugh as he kisses my cheek and I kiss his back. Calum gives us a disgusted look and says,"Definitely not slow."
_
After school Luke and I walk home, but today we actually went home alone. When I got home I did my homework and cleaned the house. The house has been a mess lately and my dad isn't going to clean it.
Ever since my mom left, my dad has been a mess, but for me it's the opposite. I feel a relief off of my chest. It's wrong of me to feel, but it's better.
I made myself dinner and listened to music while eating it. I then showered and got in bed, although it was only seven at night. I just wanted to relax and think.
It's been two days since me and Luke told each other our feelings. I know it's rushed, but it just feels right. It felt like two puzzle pieces were put together and fit perfectly.
My mind is full of both Luke and Ashton. Ashton has been ignoring and avoiding me. It's all my fault. But what could I do? Lie and say he was the love of life and then eventually crushed him? It hurts, because I used to spend 24/7 with Ash, but now I'm lucky to even get a second.
He ignores my calls, my texts, and I don't know what else to do. At least he has Michael to hang out with and talk to. I just wish he would say something to me. Anything. I end up crying at the fact that I might have lost my best friend.
He knows me more than anyone. I can't help the pain I feel inside. I go to the bathroom and find my razor. I had never done this before so I just press it to the skin on my thigh and slice. It hurts but it distracts me from the pain inside. I do it eight times then drop the razor next to me.
I just cry and bleed. That's until someone opens the bathroom door. It's Ashton. He's here? I cry even more. He comes and cleans everything up, including my thigh. I sob the whole time he does it. I don't get why he came over. He hates me, right?
He picks me up and carries me to my bed. I don't think I've ever cried so much. He lays next to until I calm down. "Are you going to tell me why?," he says in a calm voice. "I can't. I can't," I say as I start to cry even more. "Well you'll eventually have to tell me. You know that right?," He asks. I can't tell him. I stay silent besides the fact that I'm crying.
I soon fall asleep with tears streaming down my face.
_
I wake up the next morning and check the time. It's already 11 so I guess I'm not going to school. I sit up and feel a shooting pain in my thigh. The thoughts of last night replay in my mind as a tear falls down my face.
I lay back down because it hurts to much to stand. Ashton walks in my room and sits next to me. "I've missed you," he quietly says. "Why are you here," I manage to choke out. "Because your my best friend and no matter how hard I was trying I can't live without you," he says as he softly cries.
I've seen him cry many times before but I don't know what to do this time. I just cry with him and I finally crack,"Last night was because I thought you hated me. I thought I would never be your best friend ever again. I couldn't stand the thought of living without you. I had never felt that much pain before so I just did what I did."
He cries even more. I feel like a bag of shit. This hurts. He just hugs me and slowly stops crying. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just ignored you. I should've thought it through better. I'm so sorry," he says. "I'm sorry to. I think we just needed each other because we're best friends until the end, right?," I question. "Of course."
