corrupted lungs | d.w #Wattys2016

t w e n t y n i n e

Checking Tumblr didn't seem as important anymore. Nothing seemed important anymore. I was laying on my bed, hugging one of my pillows as tears ran down my cheeks. I didn't make any sounds. I didn't sob, I didn't scream, I didn't do anything. I couldn't.

The words on the screen stared at me, teasing me, it felt like. Anger built up inside of me every time I read them, but the anger was pushed down by the heavy sadness I was feeling.

Hello, Mr. Joseph. I'm terribly sorry to hear that Gabrielle is going to leave us, but it's been an absolute pleasure to meet such a bright and focused student. I wish you the best of luck, wherever you're going. I'll see you and Mrs. Joseph on Tuesday to go through the papers.

Best wishes,
Peter Wentz

The email told me everything I didn't want to hear. We were moving. Again. But this time it hurt, badly. On the other places we'd been in the past I had felt alone, sad, never fitting in. I hadn't had many friends. And now when I finally had, my parents just ripped it away from me. It felt like I was going to explode.

I slammed the laptop shut, not caring about the worrying sound it made as I did. I picked it up under my arm, exited my room and wandered down the stairs. My heart was pounding in my chest, so hard that I no longer could hear my own thoughts.

I reached the end of the steps and quickly made my way into the living room. My parents immediately started asking questions when they saw my smudged mascara under my eyes. I said nothing.

I placed the computer in front of them and tilted the screen up. The screen lit and the email was the first thing to be seen. My parents abruptly became quiet. My father stared at the screen in fear, probably mentally cursing at himself for forgetting that he left his laptop so exposed.

"Gabby, we..-" My mom began, but I shook my head at her and closed the computer shut again.

"No. I don't want to hear your stupid explanations. When were you going to tell me about this?" I asked, my body shaking out of anger. "No, wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

And with that, I turned my back against them and began making my way out of there as the tears started escaping my eyes again. I didn't get very far before getting pulled into my dad's grip. I struggled to get away, desperately trying to shove him off of me.

"Let go of me!" I cried out while trying to get my hands up to punch against his chest. "How could you do this to me?! I can't leave, I can't leave Dallon, I can't...!" My words turned into violent sobs and I finally gave in.

I dug my head into my dad's chest and let his comforting arms wrap around me fully. "Gabrielle, I'm so sorry. I really am." He told me as he rocked me back and forth.

I clutched onto his shirt, my tears drenching the soft fabric. I hiccuped, choking on my sobs as I tried to take a breath. My chest hurt. I didn't ask where we were going. I didn't say anything. I just stood there, crying for what felt like hours, until my knees wouldn't carry me anymore and I fell into the dark unconsciousness that we call sleep.

+++

Dallon was quiet. He didn't say anything, nor did he do anything. He just faced the floor, his brows furrowed and a blank look covering his concerned blue eyes. He brought his hand up to grace his chin and the small stubble that'd started to grow there.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to touch him, wanted to pull him close to my chest and tell him how sorry I was, how much he meant to me. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't do anything. I was completely frozen.

"Where are you going?" Dallon finally asked, still not looking at me.

I swallowed hard. "I don't know. I don't want to know." I mumbled, my throat sore.

Dallon was quiet again. He stood from my bed and started pacing around the room, his arms swinging by his sides. After walking around for a few moments, he stopped in the center of the room, his back facing me. I could see how broken he was, and I wanted to scream at how frustrated I was because I couldn't do anything to change that.

"They can't just take you away from us." He said, his voice cracking and I knew he couldn't hold back his sadness anymore. I stood.

I walked up next to him, still standing a few inches behind him. "Please don't cry." I told him and looked down.

I could hear him take a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want you to leave."

+++

The days passed by fast. Too fast. Each day, a part of my room disappeared. Things getting packed down into boxes, furnitures getting screwed down. Each day a piece of my life in this house disappeared. Soon, all the proof of me ever being here would be completely gone. Vanished.

Like I never even existed.

I wonder if that's how it was going to be for Dallon and Gabe. If they'd eventually forget about me, or if they would suffer. In a way I just wanted them to forget, to save them the pain I was already feeling.

I tried to spend every day that I had with them. They came over to my house, even though I didn't want them to. I didn't want them to watch how my life here was getting taken down piece by piece. The mood between us was always damped. We smiled and laughed at jokes only the three of us understood, but when the silence laid upon us it was too late to try and act like nothing was wrong.

I was disappearing out of their lives and I didn't even know how far away from them I'd be. Would I even be able to visit them? Probably not.

When I had told Gabe the news, he had just stared at me for a while, like he was trying to figure out whether I was joking or not.

Oh, how I wish that was the case.

When the truth finally hit him, he broke down. He started crying, which made me cry as well. I tried to tell him he'd still have Dallon, that they'd have to look out for each other and that I would call them as often as I could, but it didn't exactly help.

Right now, I was resting my head on Dallon's chest. He had fallen asleep in our couch, while Gabe was trying to stay awake on the other side of the big couch. It was our last night together.

Everything in our house was taken down. Paintings, furnitures, everything. Gone. All that was left was my bed, my parents' bed, some clothes in a bag, the couch and the tv standing on the floor. Gabe and Dallon would help us move out the rest tomorrow morning and then we were going. I wanted to cry, but it was like I'd cried away all the tears from my eyes.

I sat up a little and crawled over to Gabe. I poked his shoulder a little, gaining his attention. When his eyes met mine, it was like all the life had drained from his eyes. He was burned out, stressed, sad, probably a bit mad too. I grabbed his hand and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Get some sleep, Gabey." I whispered and he twitched a little.

"I'm going to miss you calling me that." He told me and looked down.

I reached up and tilted his face up to look at me. I gave him a sad smile. "I'll miss you too."