Near To You *Completed*

Chapter 12

A couple months have passed since that night I saw Niall with James outside that bar.  The English project has since been completed and life at school and in English class has returned. 

We had to return to our original seats which meant I was sitting next to Niall again and it killed me every day.  He and James maintained their close friendship and I even heard that they started casually dating.  I tried to avoid them as much as possible.  I didn’t want to feel the pain in my chest each time I saw them together.

Josh continued to persuade me to getting back together with him and I kept saying no for a few weeks but he was very persistent.  When I heard the news of Niall and James dating, I gave in and allowed myself to date Josh again.  I told him that I wanted to go slow and that I didn’t want to be his boyfriend yet.  He agreed and we have been on several dates and while I am happy that I have someone, it’s not the same feeling I had while I was with Niall. 

Night after night I would argue with myself.  Am I using Josh?  No, I would think.  I have every right to be happy.  Yes, I would think.  You are using him because you really want Niall and Josh is just here as a distraction.   

I am a horrible person.  I let someone that I was really falling for slip away because I was too scared and stubborn.  He put in a lot of effort to help me get over Josh, but I just couldn’t give him what he wanted at that time.  Well I could have, but I was too much of an idiot to fully let go of Josh.

Liam, Zayn and Louis really haven’t been around much.  I can’t really blame them.  I kind of shut them out.  I know their feelings towards Josh and I know that they are angry that I gave in and am dating him again.  I do seem them with Niall at lunch while I am sitting with Josh.  I am glad that they are friends actually.

Its takes everything in me to not look at Niall and the guys while at lunch though.  They look so happy, laughing and getting along so well.  I wish I was with them instead of with Josh and his boring jock friends.  I do notice on occasion that Niall will look at me.  We will lock eyes every now and again and butterflies will inhabit my stomach.  With a sad smile he looks back to the boys and joins back in on their conversation.

It’s now a Friday and winter break begins tomorrow.  The boys and I had planned to go to my family cabin that a couple hours from here.  We planned this over the summer.  I wonder if they still want to go with me.  I’ll have to meet up with them after school or tomorrow and figure out what we are going to do.

Later that night I walk to the park to see if the boys are there and to my disappointment they aren’t.  I get home and decide to text Louis.

To:Louis

Hey……um just wondering if you and the boys still want to go to the cabin with me.  We planned on leaving on the Sunday that winter break started, remember.  I know that we have been kind of distant lately and I know that it’s basically my fault, but I miss you guys very much and would love to spend the week with you at the cabin.  Talk to Zayn and Liam and text me back and let me know.  Love ya.  xx –Haz

I feel asleep that night without a reply from Lou.  I was really upset and softly cried myself to sleep.

I woke up on Saturday to loud knocking on my front door.  I looked at the clock and it said 11:30am.  Ugghh, I didn’t want to be up this early.  I laid there for a few minutes wondering why no one has answered the door yet and then I remembered that my parents were already up at the cabin. 

I slowly made my way down the stairs in just my sweatpants.  The persistent knocking continued. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming, sheesh!” I said slightly annoyed. 

As soon as I opened the door the cold air hit my bare chest and then three boys ran in the house tackling me to the ground.

“Ugh…guys!  Get your fat asses off of me!” I exclaimed.  Trying to sound angry, but I just couldn’t.  I was the happiest I had been in a long time.  The boys were here.  My best friends were here.

“All right.” Said Liam.  “Let’s stop the dog pile.  I think he has had enough.”

“Why?” exclaimed Louis while still on top of me tickling under my arms.

“He deserves this for basically ignoring us for the past couple of months!” he added

I felt immediately bad.

Louis and Zayn finally got up and joined Liam on the couch.  I took the chair next to them.

“I’m really sorry guys” I begain.

“I know that I shut you out.  I know that you don’t like the thought of me being with Josh again and I know how wrong it is.  I really know that we don’t belong back together, but I am so lonely and I let the guy I really want slip away because I was too stupid.” I said as I hung my head not wanting to make eye contact with my best friends.

“Listen, Haz” Zayn started  “yeah we were upset that you shut us out and we wanted to be there for you and we are sorry that we just gave you space.  We should have nagged you to tell us how you were really feeling.” He continued.

“Yes, we all agree that you shouldn’t be with Josh and that you did mess things up with Niall and he is such a great guy, Harry.” Liam said

Louis then butted in.  “Harry….Haz…Hazza…Look at us!”

I looked up and my sad eyes met theirs.

“We will sort this all this week while we are at the cabin.” He stated

I smiled.  “You guys still wanna go up there with me?”

“Of course, dummy!” Zayn replied.

“So it’s settled then.” Louis said.  “We will get all packed and ready and we will leave in the morning like we planned!”

“Thank you so much guys.” I said. 

“Anything for you Harry.” Replied Liam

“Even though you are being a total idiot and chose Josh over Niall!” added Zayn.

“I know.” Was all I could reply with.

We spent the afternoon and the evening collecting all we needed for the trip and the boys spent the night so we could all leave from my house in the morning.

I knew that while the trip would be fun, I would still continue to get lectures about my recent poor decisions and that the time would be spent talking about a way to get me to win Niall back and if I am being honest, it would be time well spent.