Near To You *Completed*

Chapter 15

(A/N-Sorry it's such a short chapter.  I am thinking there will only be a couple more chapters remaining.)

I spent the rest of the break basically locked in my room.  I was wallowing in self pity and I didn’t feel like stopping anytime soon.  I knew I had messed and I look like an idiot for choosing Josh over Niall.  The boys have kept me up to date with the latest gossip.  I guess that the news of what Josh did is getting around.  I know Niall knows too.  I also know that when school starts back on Tuesday, three days away, everyone will most likely still be talking about the Harry/Josh drama.

I still haven’t figure out what to do to get Niall back.  I certainly can’t go running back to him now.  Not after the whole thing with me and Josh just went down.  That makes it look like I am just going back to him because of what Josh did and that’s not the case at all.  I have wanted to be with Niall all along, I was just too stupid to do anything about it.  But that is not what people will say.  They will all say ‘oh, look at Harry, trying to get Niall back because Josh played him’. 

I really want to see Niall.  I have been craving to look into those eyes, hear that voice, touch his skin.  What would I even say to him?  ‘Hi.  I messed up and I should have chosen you. Take me back.’  No, that isn’t enough.  I know it will not be that easy.  I know I probably hurt Niall more than I can imagine.  It will likely take a grand gesture to prove to him that I want him and only him.

It’s Saturday night and I find myself across the street from the bar, pacing back and forth along the sidewalk, but I just can’t bring myself to go in.  I am giving myself a pep talk. ‘You can do this Harry, just go in.  You can do this.  You want to see him.  Just go in’.  It’s like a mantra.  I continue telling myself hoping that eventually I will believe it enough to actually make my way towards the door. 

After about twenty minutes, I will myself across the street.  I am now standing on the side of the building.  Progress.  Now if I could just make it the twenty five feet to the front door things would be great.  I begin to pace again in the alley on the side of the building.  Repeating my mantra because, hey, it worked when I was across the street.

‘You can do this Harry, just go in.  You can do this. You wa-‘  I was pulled from my silent rambling when a hand tapped on my shoulder.  I jumped about five feet in the air cause I am in a dark alley, alone, and someone just touched me.  I slowly turn to face this person and of course it Niall.  My stomach drops and my heart races.  My palms begin to sweat and my breathing become ragged.  Why did I think this was a good idea?  I wanted to see him a just a second to ago and was willing myself into the bar, but now that he is two feet in front of me, his eyes looking into mine, I want to run away.

“Sorry.  I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says and looks to the ground.

“No it’s fine.  Just give me a minute for my heart to return to my body.” I say and smile trying to win a smile from him.  No luck.

“What are you doing here?’’ he asks

I want to tell him that this is my attempt to win him back.  I want to push him against the wall and kiss him as if my life depended on it.  There is so much I want to say but all that would come out was “I don’t know.”

“Oh” was his reply.  He band to shift on his feet and move his guitar case from his left hand to his right.  He looked like he wanted to say something but just wouldn’t come out with it.

“I guess I’ll see you in school then.” He says and begins to walk away.

I am still for what seems like forever.  I want to grab him but I physically can’t move.  It takes a couple minutes for me to actually so something.

“Wait” I yell because by this time he is about 100 feet away from me.  He stops in his tracks and slowly turns to face me.  I quickly make my way over to him.  I reach out timidly and take his left hand in mine.  He looks at me with sad eyes.  I begin to speak.

“I am so sorry, Niall.  I know that I messed up.  I know that I was just too scared to do the right thing.  You are so amazing and you always made me feel special and I’m so sorry that I didn’t do the same for you.  I thought I couldn’t, but I could, I was just being flat out stupid.  I’m really sorry.  I want you, Niall.  I have always wanted you and I am really sorry that it took all of this for me to finally realize something I should have seen from day one.  Please forgive, Niall” I finish and he isn’t saying anything. 

I take a chance and move my free hand up to caress his cheek and I find myself wanting to kiss those lips once more.  I begin leaning in.  My lips are hovering over his.  I continue since I notice that he isn’t pulling away, but he also isn’t moving.  Finally my lips are on his gently.  I place my hand on the back of his neck and pull him in a bit closer.  I can feel him slightly move his lips and I take that sign to try and deepen the kiss.  I hear him sigh into my lips and then I feel his hand, the one that I am holding, wiggle its way out of my grip and make its way up to my chest and I feel him begin to push me away.

I, without resistance, give him the distance that he wants and wait for him to speak.  I look into his eyes and he is looking into mine.

“Harry” he begins softly.  “You don’t know how long I have waited to hear you say those words.” I smile thinking that this is wonderful.  Maybe he will let me be with him.  He sees me smiling and gives me a sad look and shakes his head slightly, as to be telling me not to get happy.  He continues.

“I thought that this is what I wanted.  To hear you say that you want to be with me.  But I think that now that I am processing those words you just spoke, I know I can’t just have you run back into my arms.  I was really hurt and I guess I still am.  I was so patient with you Harry.  I gave you what you needed and I stuck by you, but in the end you chose someone else and basically stopped talking to me.  I know now that it is going to take some time for me to get back to where we once were, if I ever do get back there.  I’m really so, Harry.” He finishes.

“Don’t say you’re sorry, Niall.  You did nothing wrong.  I understand.  I do just wanna let you know that I want you.  I want to be with you and I’m not going to give up.”

He nods and then turns to walk away without another word.  I stand in place for about five minutes watching him as he makes his way to his car, puts his guitar in the back seat, sits down in the driver’s seat and pulls away.  I know without one sliver of a doubt now that Niall and I will be together again.  I will make it happen.  I will do all I can to make it happen.  I go home that night and begin to plan what I am going to do next.