the wolf and the lamb » kageyama x reader

18. Home Is Where the Heart Is

"That (First Name) is such a stuck-up girl."

"She thinks she's too good for us, huh, staying in her room all day? A newbie and she's already popular, so she thinks she can't be bothered to talk with the other ladies of the court."

You're wrong. You roll over on your bed, pressing your pillow tighter around your head as you try desperately to drown out the poisonous words of your fellow ladies of Aoba Jousai's royal court. Their voices circle in your mind like hungry vultures, pecking at every chink in your frail, rusted armor until it's filled with dents and holes.

"Who does she think she is, huh?" A loud tap sounds outside of your room, and there's silence for a minute. "She doesn't even get up out of bed, either. What a lazy mongrel."

"I haven't seen her since the king introduced us earlier."

"That was two weeks ago. What does she do in her room?"

I mourn for him, that's what I do. Curling into the fetal position, you close your eyes and let your nails dig into your palms until you leave small crescent imprints on your soft flesh. You bite your lip and gnaw on the soft flesh, not stopping until you draw blood, letting the wet iron taste fill your mouth and consume your senses. You try to focus on nothing else but your body in the room, swathed in puffy frosted blankets, the warm breeze coming in through the window and surrounding your body in a lukewarm haze.

A familiar shock of black hair enters your mind and a particularly awkward king embraces you from the back. Your eyes fly open and you shake your head, trying to dispel the image. No, I can't think about him. Stop it, (First Name). Stop it!

"Let's go. We have better things to do than wait around for her."

"Hmph, foreigners. She doesn't even seem like nobility, either – I can tell by the way she carries herself. That nasty, dirty blood of hers running through her veins contaminates the purity of ours just by her being here in the castle. Why is she even a lady of the court?"

"Our beloved king fancies her, of all people – who'd believe it? She's not even remotely grateful for his attention! She gets all this lavish stuff – I've seen the packages he buys for her – and she doesn't even do anything about it, or anything for him! What an ungrateful bitch." A fan snaps closed outside your door and footsteps are heard gradually receding from your room.

Two weeks ago, Oikawa introduced me to the ladies of his court. He said that they'd welcome me in and show me the ropes, but is this what a welcome's supposed to be like? You squeeze your eyes shut and a growl mixed with a sigh escape your lips. I didn't ask for this, Oikawa, not any of this courtly bullshit; I just wanted to be a lowly maid so that I didn't draw any attention to myself. Yet you go and do this, and now.

A whimper comes from your form huddled under the blankets. What do I do now, Kageyama? I want to go home, back to the castle with you and Sugawara and Shadow and Sawamura...

Your eyes fly open as you freeze, body hunched over your knees and head pressed close to your chest. Home...? You shake your head quickly, taking in a sharp, hitched breath and holding it in until it feels like your chest is going to burst. When did the Karasuno Castle become... home?

You kick the puffy blankets off of your body, letting them fall to the ground as you lie, spread-eagled, on the bed; you raise an arm to stare at the back of your hand. The frosty canopy over your bed blurs and the turquoise crest of Aoba Jousai becomes blurry blue strokes on a white canvas as you focus on your fingers, watching how they open and close as you make a fist. You let your right arm fall to your side, closing your eyes as you allow your consciousness to swim in a black pool of sentimental memories.