L O L I T A ' S National Anthem (COMPLETED ✔️)

O P E N E S S // 94

I don't stay long for the funeral

I'm desperate to get back to Lola

Are you always supposed to be this anxious when you're away from your child?

Everyone gazes wide eyed and shocked at my sleek black Jaguar in the parking lot

My deep rich tan

My green glimmering eyes

My black silky Armani suit

I don't pay any attention to their stares

I restlessly sit through the church service and when they start throwing dirt over the coffin I bolt

No-one asks where I'm going or why I'm leaving

I've seen it all before anyway

I know the procedures

I'm well known to the tears

And I don't want to open myself to that pain again

When I'm home I bundle Lola out of Stephanie's arms

"How was the funeral?" she asks sadly

I shrug my shoulders

"A funeral is a funeral. Everyone was fucking sad," I reply rocking Lola in my arms and kissing her forehead

"Are you okay though?" she asks furrowing her brow

I shrug my shoulders

"There are bigger things to worry about than my own feelings," I reply heading into the kitchen

"I mean-," Stephanie continues but I cut her off

"I'm fucking fine okay!" I yell startling Lola

She screws up her face and begins crying and I begin aching with guilt

"Just go please Stephanie," I whisper softly, tears beginning to form in my eyes

She nods her head and sees herself out

It takes me half an hour to calm down Lola

It takes me a further three hours