Our Secret - a 'Sebson' fan fiction

Part Sixteen - I Hate That I Still Love You

Depression. The word struck all three men very hard. Sebastian didn't look up, he just edged closer to Heikki and rested his head on his arm. Heikki put his hand on Sebastian's hand, trying to hide how upset the one word had made him feel. He felt like crying. Christian had his head in his hands, unable to believe what Sebastian was going through. This wasn't the best news he wanted to hear.

"What I'll do is give Sebastian a prescription for anti-depressants, but I need you, Christian, to keep an eye on him and look after him, making sure he takes the daily dose, okay?"

Christian nodded. Doctor Moice and Christian kept talking, so Heikki looked down at Sebastian. He looked so lost with himself.

"I'm fucked up..." Sebastian sighed quietly.

Heikki didn't say anything back. If he did, he knew he'd break down into tears. Sebastian looked up at him as Heikki turned to face him so Sebastian could be close to his 'safe base' again. Sebastian hugged Heikki, nuzzling his head on his shoulder.

Doctor Moice handed Christian the prescription, letting him know of everything he could do to help Sebastian. Sebastian and Heikki got up with Christian following behind. He shook Doctor Moice's hand but stayed behind for a moment.

"Do you think his depression could be caused by his breakup?" Christian asked, quietly.

"Yes, it's a strong possibility in this case. I've had cases before where people have come in saying that their breakup has caused them to be depressed, but that's not been their case at all. However, with Sebastian here, this definitely seems to be the cause" Doctor Moice replied.

Christian nodded, "Okay, thank you, Doctor."

"Not a problem, Christian. "

Sebastian and Heikki were waiting outside by the car. Sebastian was sat up on a wall with Heikki standing in front of him.

"Heikki, can you come back to the hotel with me?" Sebastian asked.

Heikki simply nodded, but to Sebastian, he seemed to show no interest. Sebastian looked confused.

"Why are you acting so weird?" He asked, trying to make eye contact with him.

"Because I don't want to get you into trouble with any press. Photographers could be anywhere ready to snap a photo of you and me together. And if I've got my hand at your face or on your hand, people may start getting the idea we're a couple. I don't want any more pressure put on you, Seb, you're going through enough."

As Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, Christian walked towards them both. He was carrying a white paper bag, containing the prescription of anti-depressants.

"Come on then lads, let's go" Christian said, unlocking the car.

Heikki wandered in front but stopped when he felt a light tug at the bottom of his t-shirt. Sebastian was looking at him, giving him that look. He knew sitting in the front of the car was out of plan, so Heikki and Sebastian climbed into the back of the car. Sebastian cuddled up to Heikki, closed his eyes and ended up falling asleep quite quickly. Heikki watched him for a while as Christian drove them back to the hotel. He still couldn't believe it was depression. Anger began to build up in him, angry with Jenson.

If he hadn't shouted at him and broken up with him in front of everyone then none of this wouldn't have happened...

He quickly glanced up at Christian as he felt Sebastian hugging his waist. He didn't want Christian to get the wrong idea yet he didn't want Sebastian to have a panic attack.

Meanwhile, at the McLaren motor home, Jenson was sat in Martin Whitmarsh's office.

"Jenson, you realise you've been underperforming?" Martin asked.

"I know, but what it was that was making me unfocused is out of the way now" Jenson answered.

"You were late to team meetings, press conferences-"

"Martin, I'm not here to talk about Sebastian, okay? We're over. I'm focused fully on this team now. I don't want to hear another word about him" Jenson interrupted, raising his voice.

Martin immediately dismissed Jenson from the office. He didn't want to speak to him if he was going to continuously snap every time something about his career as a driver popped up; somehow Sebastian was always brought up into Jenson's excuses. Martin could plainly see it was Jenson's way of expressing how he still loved Sebastian, but doing it through hate.

Jenson stormed out of the office, heading back out to the paddock. He was becoming very fed up with everyone. No one would give him a break about his relationship with Sebastian. He didn't want to be associated with him anymore, didn't want to be in love with him anymore. Jenson didn't want to feel the guilt from publicly breaking up with Sebastian anymore, he just wanted to forget it all and move on but Jenson knew, deep down, that this wasn't going to be as simple as he thought. He walked through the paddock and headed out to his car. On the way, he passed the Red Bull motor home. As he looked up at it, Jenson sighed sadly. He didn't want to be feeling like this. Eventually, Jenson decided to go back to the hotel. Once he reached his car, he took his phone out of his pocket. The screen flashed up, revealing a photo of him and Sebastian, the one Jenson had taken while Sebastian was asleep against him. Jenson felt the tears forming in his eyes with anger and loneliness. He hated the fact he was still in love with Sebastian. Jenson sighed and wiped the tears from his face.

'Maybe a few drinks alone would help take the pain away...'

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A/N;

Sorry this took so long to update. I'm trying to balance out my fanfic writing and school work & it's hard to update when I'm so busy :(

Also, I aplogise for just focusing on Sebastian at the moment, but as you can see, Jenson is coming back into this now! Things are starting to build up more now!

Enjoy!

Amber xx