Our Secret - a 'Sebson' fan fiction

Part Eighteen - Everything Needs To Be Back The Way It Was

Sebastian clutched his knees to his chest; he hated being on his own. He wanted someone with him, like Heikki or Mark. Or even better, Jenson. Sebastian's face was already stained from going over memories of what he liked to think of as the 'best days of his life'.  

It was 3:42am and Sebastian couldn't get back to sleep. He got up out of bed and slowly wandered to the kitchen area. Opening one of the small cupboards he pulled out a small container, the very container that contained his anti-depressants. Just by looking at them, Sebastian sighed sadly. Why did he have to go through this? After taking his dose of the pills and placing the container back where it was, Sebastian headed back to the bedroom. His phone, by the side of the bed, had lit up showing a text message. At first, Sebastian was quite confused, why was someone texting him at this hour of the morning? But his thoughts quickly changed when he read the message:  

'Hey, just remember that I'm here for you, okay? I'm always here to listen :)'    

Sebastian smiled at the message; he'd bumped into the Marussia rookie, Charles Pic a few days ago. Actually, it was really more of Charles finding Sebastian...  

*flashback*  

It was Friday and the teams were packing up after the second and third practice of the Italian Grand Prix. Evening was drawing in as Sebastian sat on the track wall, watching the sun start to slowly set. After having the week break, he didn't enjoy being back in the racing routine, especially walking through the paddock. He could be with Heikki, Helmut or Britta and he still felt extremely paranoid around everyone. The other drivers in particular. None of them would talk to him except Mark. Everytime Sebastian looked over at any of the drivers; they'd glare at him, whispering and sniggering at each other as they talked harshly about him. Sometimes Sebastian would even hear what they were saying, but he didn't ever retaliate. Being depressed was enough, Sebastian didn't want anything else piled on his shoulders...    

"I'm such a fuck up..." Sebastian muttered to himself, sadly.

"No, you're not."    

Confused, Sebastian turned around to see who had replied to him. Seeing the young rookie standing on the other side of the wire fence, in the pit lane, Sebastian turned back around and looked back out on track.  

"You wouldn't understand..."  

But Charles didn't want to leave Sebastian all by himself, especially thinking like that. The Frenchman noticed the gap in the fence where drivers and engineers could climb through to get back to the pits, and Sebastian just happened to be sitting right next to it. Without hesitating, Charles climbed up onto the wall and through the gap. Sebastian looked up at him, watching what he was doing. Charles sat beside Sebastian, looking out at the track just as the German was.

"You're right, you know" Charles spoke, "I wouldn't understand you..."  

The rookie turned towards Sebastian, looking him straight in the eyes, "But I'm willing to listen to you. I may not be the closest with you, let alone any other driver on or off track, yet if anyone needs someone to talk to I'm always going to be the first person there ready to listen."

Sebastian was stunned, he couldn't believe how Charles had said he would listen to him. It touched his heart. So much that he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.  

"Really?" Sebastian asked, "You'd be there for me?"

Charles smiled and nodded, "I promise you I'll be there all day, every day if you need me. And I don't go breaking my promises."   

Sebastian smiled, unable to hold back the tears any longer. Finally, a driver other than Mark who was talking to him, as well as promising to be there for him no matter what. It was a feeling that was so heartwarming, comforting, Sebastian felt... loved.  

"Thank you, Charles."

"You're welcome, Sebastian."

*end of flashback*   

Sebastian smiled to himself at the memory. Charles had kept his promise, he was always there if Sebastian needed him. He listened to everything Sebastian had on his mind. Although the depression was still an extreme struggle, having the few people he had around him made him feel a little better about himself.  

'Thank you Charles, I'm glad I've got you around :)'   

After sending the message, Sebastian slumped back against his pillows. He looked over at the empty space next to him, he hated it being empty. Turning back to stare at the ceiling, the temptation to ask Heikki to come over was growing. The idea pondering his mind for minutes upon minutes. Eventually, after half an hour of nothing but thinking about it, Sebastian grabbed his phone, went through his contacts and called Heikki.  

Heikki was deep in sleep when Sebastian phoned him. As his phone began to ring, Heikki shot up, scared out of his wits. But after realising it was just his phone, he calmed down and answered.

"Seb? Why are you phoning me at this hour?"

Heikki frowned as he heard his boss reply sadly, "I can't sleep..."  

As simple as it sounded, Heikki knew even the simplest things upset Sebastian, including not having anyone to sleep beside at night. Sometimes he wasn't really affected by things like that yet other times, like this for instance, made Sebastian very uneasy and anxious.    

"Alright, I'll be over in just a minute" Heikki answered, getting himself out of bed.

"Okay, thank you Heikki."

"You're welcome."  

Sebastian hung up and Heikki put his phone down on the bed.  Heikki held his head in his hands, as harsh as it sounded he needed to stop agreeing to sleep with Sebastian all the time... Unfortunately, he was far too in love with his boss to ever say no. Heikki quickly pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed his phone and left his room. Sebastian's door was open so Heikki let himself in. But to his surprise, just as he wandered to the bedroom, Sebastian was already fast asleep. Looking closer at him, Heikki noticed the tear-streaks down Sebastian's face as he clutched Jenson's team shirt close to his chest. Heikki knew that he needed to do something as soon as possible to try and bring Jenson back into Sebastian's life, everything needed to be back the way it was again.  

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A/N: I'm SO sorry if this is the shittest chapter of this story. My writers block has been awful the past month and I just wanted to update as soon as possible. Hopefully the next chapter will be better, so I apologise again...  Amber xx