First Love, Worst Love

Chapter 28 - Realisations

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Thank you so much once again for all the awesome comments everyone! When I first started writing this story I wasn't sure I was ever going to finish it, but thanks to your motivation I have now very nearly made it! 

I hope you enjoy a little bit more of a positive chapter this week, I think Ash needs a friend right now! And who better than the lovely Charlie Monk?

Let me know what you think! 

Big hugs,
Becky x

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Chapter 28

Realisations

For a while, I just sit in silence letting Chunk's tight bear-hug consume me. He doesn't say a word, just holds me. And it's everything I need.

His solid presence is so healing. Like a tourniquet wrapping around me, soaking up the dirty wounds that were threatening to bleed me dry. I cry into his broad shoulder, letting out all the pain and fear and pure humiliation that's been swirling in my stomach since the moment I saw Jaxon's texts.

It's OK to let go. Chunk is my friend. He's one of the only people who never seems to judge me, no matter what I do. I know that he'll understand, just like the last time I cried in front of him.

Oh God. He's my friend, and I've treated him horribly. I've ignored his texts and been annoyed with him when he was just trying to look out for me. When he clearly saw the warning signs that I was missing. What the hell is wrong with me? Why have I been lashing out so badly at the people who deserve it the least?

"I'm sorry," I blurt out in a loud sniffle, finally pulling away from Chunk's embrace. "I'm so sorry, Chunk."

"Hey, don't be silly," he replies, squeezing my shoulder affectionately. "What have you got to be sorry about?"

I wipe my face with my hand, breathing deeply to try and calm down. "Everything! I'm sorry for always having a ridiculous meltdown on your shoulder. And I'm sorry I didn't listen when you tried to get through to me. I... I should have listened..."

Chunk's mouth sets into a deadly straight line. "Ash, what do you mean?"

I look at him sadly. I don't need to spell it out for him. He already knows exactly why I'm crying. He knew from the moment he pulled up his van and ran over to me.

"It's Jaxon, isn't it?" he states worriedly. "What has he done?"

His gentle blue eyes search mine. They are so kind that I want to cry again. But I have to get myself together. This all has to stop, right now. And maybe telling Chunk will be the first step to finding some kind of solution for this excruciating mess.

"Jaxon is a liar," I whisper. The first time I've said it aloud and not just in my head. "He's lied about everything."

Chunk takes my hand, almost sub-consciously. "Oh God, what hell has he said to you?"

"A load of shit," I reply, laughing sarcastically through my tears. "He told me he was a senior tattoo artist. And that he was homeless."

"No he's not!" Chunk exclaims. "He lives with his parents. He's totally dependent on them."

I shake my head in frustration. Of course he is. He's probably a total Mummy's boy, not some alternative outcast wandering the streets. All this time I've been worrying about him whilst he's been tucked up at home being looked after by his parents.

And all this time, Chunk knew the truth. If I had only bothered to actually talk to him instead of blocking him out, then I would have found out before things ever got this far.