The Coolest Guy (ON GOING)

Chapter Forty One :)

Love

"Ice, nasasaktan ako!" nagpupumiglas ako habang patuloy nya akong hinihila sa kung saan. Adam tried to follow pero nabigyan na naman sya ni Ice ng isang suntok. I told him I'll be okay, hindi na nya kailangang sumunod. I can protect myself. But, really Cream? Kanino mo nga ba dapat protektahan ang sarili mo? Kay Ice? Nah. I know he can't hurt me. Baka sarili kong desisyon ang kailangan kong protektahan.

Tumigil kami sa ilalim ng isang puno ng niyog. Hindi naman masyadong secluded, medyo malayo lang sa mga tao pero kahit papaano naman ay natatanaw ko pa sila Nikka mula sa pwesto naming dalawa.

Binitawan ako ni Ice. Hinawakan ko yung parte ng braso ko na mapula. Baka maging pasa 'to. I looked at him. I couldn't exactly get what his eyes are telling me. Galit sya pero parang ang lambot lambot ng emosyon nya.

"Are you hurt?" that's the first thing he asked and grab my arm to have a look at it closely. "Sorry. I...damn it. Can we put ice first?" hihilahin nya dapat ako pero hinigit ko ng marahan ang kamay ko sa kanya. He was hurt by that motion.

"Ice, we have to talk." I said, begging him. He was not looking at me. He tried to look to the sky, the sands, the sea. He tried to look everywhere but in my eyes. Not exactly focusing on me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magsisimula, kung saan, kung ano ang dapat tanungin. I was never really good at communicating my feelings.

I stayed there. We stayed there. I was just looking at him, waiting for something while he decided to keep his focus on the sands while his hands are on his pockets. Ano nga ba ang hinihintay ko?

"Are you in-love with my brother?" Napalunok ako. His question was almost a whisper but I clearly hear it. He was still looking at the sands when he asked that. Still avoiding my eyes. Nasasaktan ako kasi alam nya siguro na isang tingin lang sa mga mata ko, alam na nya ang sagot. Maybe, he's scared to see the truth. Na kait wala pa akong iniimik, may sagot na ang mga mata ko.

"Are you...in love with my brother?" he repeated the question, this time looking at me, teary-eyed. Tagos sa dalawang tenga ko papunta sa puso ko ang tanong nya. F*ck. No matter how I much I prepare for the worst, there will always be hell.

Sinubukan kong lumapit sa kanya. I tried the wipe the tear that just fell from his eyes. But he took a step backward. Ang sakit pala talaga. Tumitig lang sya sakin at hinintay ang sagot ko.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at ang tanging naalala ko lang ay ang mga mata ni Ice. Pero anong gagawin ko? I'm confused. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko. Ang hina hina ko. Ano bang dapat sabihin. Ano ba ang tamang sagot? "Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam." Nailing ko sabi.

"Oo o hindi lang, Cream. Mahirap ba sagutin?" he asked. That question cued my tears. I wish I know the fucking answer so that I can give it to him. But I swear! Hindi ko din alam. I am confused as hell, I am hurt deeply and Ice is hurting in front of me and I don't know anything anymore.

"I'm sorry Ice, I really don't know."

"Okay. Let me change the question then." I mustered all the braveness I have within me to look at him straight at his eyes. "Did you ever cheated on me, with Adam?"

"I'm sorry Ice. I really don't know."

"You don't know? That's your fucking feelings! You're supposed to know! Ano bang tanong ang gusto mong itanong ko ha? Examples of cheating ba ang kailangan mo? Did you two hold hands while I am away? Did you two kissed while I was not looking? Or did you have sex that night when I pretended to be blind on Palawan?"

"I'm so sorry Ice. I..."

"Did you have sex with him?" he cut off.

"No. I'm sure I did not do that with him. Ice, I.." I tried to reach him but he slap my hands away. I deserve this. I deserve his cold treatment. I deserve whatever it is that he's doing to me. And it f*cking hurts.

"Did you two kissed?" He asked. I wanted to say yes. This is one of the questions that I can at least answer. Yes. That three letter word is making it hard for me to break everything with him. This will hurt him. This will break everything I had of him.

"Putangina." And that's it. He left. No words said, no explanation heard from me. Gusto kong magpaliwanag pero kahit saang daan ang piliin ko, it will all end with both of us hurting and me not being honest with him.

So that's it? That's our story? It's true then. What you easily have will easily go. That's Ice for me.

"Cream?" Trisha snapped at me. Its been two months since that happened. An uneventful two months for me. I always tried my luck with talking to Ice but he would't budge. He doesn't want to talk to me at all. Pakiramdam ko mauubusan na ako ng energy sa mga bagay na pinaggagagawa ko so that I could stop myself from thinking about his eyes that day.

"Tinatanong ka ni Adam kung Go ka daw ba sa Aurora at La Union?" I looked at her then at Adam who's waiting for my reply. Adam has been patient. He never tried to talk to me about what happened. that one of the things I admire from him, he'll wait for me to tell it to him voluntarily than to pressure me.

"Sorry, pass muna 'ko." Nalungkot si Trisha sa sagot ko. They've been planning this for two months already but I just can't go. I booked a flight to San Francisco the day before their adventure. I miss dad so much. I just want to see him, talk to him personally, try to forget Ice and move on. Because that's the only choice I have right? Move on.

"Ang KJ mo! Sige na." pamimilit ni Trisha. I politely declined at gathered my things. "Sorry. I have to go. See you around guys."

"Hala! San ka punta?" mabilis na inayos din ni Trisha ang gamit nya to follow me. Adam was already beside me.

"Uwi ka na? Hatid na kita." He offered. I looked at him and he understand already that I need to be alone. paparusahan ko ang sarili ko sa kagagahan na ginawa ko.

"Cream, wait! Sama ko!" Trisha was already catching her breath when she found me.

"Uuwi na ko Trish. Dito ka na lang. Talk to Ivan. It's been two month or three?" I opened my car door and shove my bag at the backside.

"Ayoko. Hayaan mo sya. Sige na. Mag movie marathon na lang tayo sa inyo?" she offered it while doing beautiful eyes at gusto kong masuka pero wala na akong emosyon para maramdaman yun.

"I'll sleep. Sasama ka?" Umikot ako to go to the driver's side and open my door. She just followed me.

"Tutulog ka na naman? Palagi ka na lang natutulog!" I know she's just concerned. But, I need to figure everything out by myself.

"Look Trisha, I really appreciate your effort to keep me company, make me smile at least, be there for me when i need someone, I really do. But I can't just forget everything. I have to help myself." her smile faded. She just stared at me trying to figure out if she should day something.

"Okay. But you see Cream, just look at the good side of it. Ice may have been hurt because of you but at the end of the day, his feelings were true, right? Be patient, because love is patient. Just know na if ever you needed a shoulder to cry on, I'll always be there for you, Okay?" I gave her a faint smile and gave her a hug.

"Thank You."