one shots

shorty swing my way [34]

july 2000
tuesday
4:36 pm

"You look good," he smiled broadly as I walked into his house, carrying in Steph's car seat and diaper bag.
"I look like I could use some help," I huffed.

I wish I could've gotten adjusted to the weight of the car seat, especially since it's been three months since Steph was born. I wasn't surprised that I couldn't carry it though, seeing as though Lesane always does all the heavy lifting for me.

"You already inside now," D smirked as I set down the diaper bag and the car seat. I then bent down to unbuckle Steph, who was just waking up.

"Hey, honeybun!" I cheered softly while carefully taking him out of the car seat.
"Thanks for letting me have him for the 4th," DeAndré nodded as I finally stood straight and held my baby in my arms.

"Yeah, no problem," I mumbled before kissing Steph's forehead.
"He looks just like you, Chestnut," D smirked.
"I know that, DeAndré. Stop tryin' to butter me up every time we see each other," I muttered.

He chuckled before I started to place our son in his arms. Once D had Steph placed close to his heart, his eyes met my face. My gaze was on Stephen as he glanced around while D's eyes stuck themselves to my physique.

"Can you stop staring at me?" I asked harshly before picking up the diaper bag.
"I can't help it. You look so good, shorty," he licked his lips as I placed the bag onto his shoulder for him.
I rolled my eyes before making my way back toward the door.

"Hold on, baby. Why you in a rush? What'chu got planned for the day?" he asked while taking a hold on my hand and pulling me closer.
"None of your business, boy," I started to pull my hand away and once he released it, he was wrapping his free arm around my waist.

"Come on. Don't act like that," he chuckled while starting to kiss on my neck.
"You know you wouldn't be doin' this, if Lesane was here," I mushed his face while weaseling my way away from him.

He scoffed. "Ain't nobody scared of your lil' boyfriend. I know he not hittin' that shit anyway."
I rolled my eyes yet again before he pulled me back by one of the belt loops of my shorts. "Boy, quit," I smacked his hand away from me to no avail as his body soon ended up against mine.

"Steph, you see how your mama does me? Like, she don't love me or something," he smiled down at Steph.
"Whatever, D," I mumbled.

He glanced at me for a moment, his eyes reading mine as his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay? Like, seriously."
"I'm fine," I whispered.
"You sure?" he asked.

"I've just been. . . a little under the weather," I avoided his eye contact.
"For three months?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. . . For three months," I softly confirmed, not really wanting to talk about it.

It was quiet as I stared at Stephen and held his hand a little. I smiled slightly just looking at him.

Turns out, Lesane and Ashley were correct to approach me about postpartum depression because that shit is no joke. I still end up crying at random times, but now it's like I can't get any sleep, and I feel a lot more overwhelmed than I should. I feel like I should be taking motherhood way better than I am, but I'm just. . . not. It really frustrates me a lot of the time, but I find solace in Steph and Lesane and Ash and the support group that I'm in.

Of course, Ash talked me into joining a support group, seeing as though it helps people with PPD cope. I was apprehensive, but I did it anyway. The ladies there have been a lot of help. I was even made aware of the risk factors that include a history of miscarriages or a history of abuse and things of that nature. Being in that group just made things make a lot of sense. It also reminded me that I wasn't alone, even though I felt alone most of the time. Even with Lesane and Ash smothering me with love 24/7, I still managed to feel alone.