one shots

shorty swing my way [epilogue]

february 2005
sunday
1:25 pm

"Are you ready?" Reina asked me as I smoothed down my dress.

I nodded eagerly, my stomach being rocked by a gang of butterflies. My palms were so sweaty, and I was damn near shaking with anticipation. I couldn't believe the sight that was before me came out as beautiful as it was. The sound of red and pink and champagne colors initially didn't seem that appealing, but watching it all come together so majestically and aesthetically pleasing, I was at a loss for words. Not to mention, my dress was absolutely gorgeous.

It was a lace, mermaid fit with a sweetheart neckline. My curves were accentuated, and my boobs looked great. I felt like a princess— no, a queen. It wasn't the same dress I dreamt of as a nine year old, but I felt like Cinderella nonetheless. My hair was a vibrant pink fade by now, which I thought was going to off-put the dress a little, but seeing everything come together— the dress with my hair and the veil and heels— pleasantly surprised me.

"I am so happy for you," Reina hugged me tightly.
"Thanks," I smiled gingerly while reciprocating the hug.

She went on to give me this speech about how long she's waited for this moment— to see me really, genuinely happy with someone. I eventually had to tune her out because I knew that if I thought about all this shit too in depth, I'd end up ruining my makeup with tears.

My entire morning was hectic with emotions and final touches, but now was the moment that everything would be coming into fruition. I ran over my vows multiple times, fucking up every other line with every other run-through. I was getting frustrated, but I figured that I'd end up just going off script when I'm facing him anyway. It wasn't a big deal— that's what I kept telling myself although I knew it was a lie. This was a very very big ass deal. These were the words that were going to seal my marriage. The very words I'd be saying before "I do."

I took several deep breaths so that I wouldn't freak myself out. There was so much circulating my mind, including some news that I was planning on revealing to Lesane later in the evening. My mind was in a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts and logistics for the wedding.

"Renée, are you alright?" A hand found my shoulder from behind.
"Yeah, Mama. I'm fine," I replied once I faced her. "Just a little anxious. That's all."
She smiled gingerly before bringing me into a warm hug. I squeezed her tightly, feeling as if I was just going to explode.

Since we last saw each other, things have been kind of. . . lackluster. We hadn't had any communication since December, and I didn't plan on calling my mother ever again after she undermined me for the last time. But, when Lesane proposed, I couldn't imagine leaving my mother out of the loop. The last time that happened, it made our entire relationship crumble. As much as I wanted to give up on saving our relationship, I knew that all she's ever wanted was to see me happy. I robbed her of that opportunity the first time, and I believe that she still holds resentment in her heart for that. . . However, I know that this time around is completely different.

Lesane and I are going to be together for the rest of our lives, and I knew that my mother would want to be present the day that our forever begins.

I knew we weren't on the best terms, and there was always the possibility that she wouldn't show up to the wedding, but I knew that the fact that I, at least, told her that I was engaged and sent her an invitation shows that I really do care. I care for my mother, and I care about actually rectifying our relationship. It was my last attempt at a peace offering, and I really didn't think she'd show—let alone respond, but I'm glad that she's here.

"I just want to apologize for everything that went wrong with us, Renée, and I really am glad to be here," my mother told me as we pulled away from our hug and joined hands instead.
"Thank you for coming," I felt my eyes glossing over as our grip tightened and a weak smile spread onto my face.