one shots

falling in leaves

"Yo, Q.

shit's been crazy. I ain't even been writin' like I used to. I've been thinkin' about you a lot. I've been thinkin' about the shit that I've done. I've been thinkin' about where we went wrong. It ain't been easy to think about how I lost a woman like you, but damn I can't get our situation out of my head.

It's hard to get you off my mind on a daily anyway, but this shit here is fucking crazy. It feels like: just yesterday, we were romancing and now you don't even know me.

You got a nigga feeling like Jodeci or somethin'. We ain't been apart for long, but I already miss yo' ass. It's only been a month— the most miserable fucking month of my life.

You know me. This breaking up shit ain't hard to do. I go through women like a motherfuckin' flipbook.

But you.

What the fuck can I say about you that you don't already know? You know that my love for you stretches from one end of this earth and onto another. You know that you're a queen. You know that you don't need me in order to shine. You know that you don't need me to hold you up. You hold yourself up. I just maybe hold your purse on some sucka' shit.

Fuck, I miss you, Q.

It's just weird. You know. You knew the kid when I wasn't shit. When I was living under my greatness. When all that I cared about was weed and money.

You showed me the power of love. You taught me how to love. You allowed me to tap into my inner romantic. Candles and rose water baths and all that shit. I didn't know what the fuck chivalry was. I didn't comprehend why I had to bring you roses and give you my jacket. I was only taught to care about myself and take care of myself. You know this.

But you held me to a standard. I didn't fuck with that, at first. It wasn't long before I realized that you held me to a standard because you knew I had more to give than what I was giving. You knew I had more in me than what others saw in me. You saw potential in me that I didn't even see in myself. Everybody treated me like I wasn't gonna be shit, so they didn't expect shit out of me.

You saw power. You saw love. You saw me.

I'll never be able to repay you for that. For guiding me. For looking out for me. For expecting more from me. For loving me. For showing me my own light by lending me yours.

How the fuck did I let you slip from my fingertips? You were like coconut oil— solid but melted within moments. My dumb ass let you slide until you dripped off of my skin.

I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I let you go.

I'm sorry that I proved all those people right. I'm sorry I made you look dumb. They told you I wouldn't be shit. They told you that I'd do you wrong. They told you that there was no fixing a man that was raised broken. You took that risk anyway. You took a chance on me. On me of all people.