one shots

shorty swing my way [38]

august 2004
sunday
8:35 pm

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lesane asked, looking for any other bruise or scratch that needed to be tended to.
"I'm fine, baby," I pushed his hand away from my face.

"I'm glad that you're alright," he nodded.
I scoffed, tired of acting like I didn't know he was playing me.
"What? Why you lookin' like that?" he asked.
"Because you think I'm dumb," I replied.
His eyes furrowed, placing the neosporin down while I pushed away the ice packs he put together for me and started to stand.

"Wait a second, Nay—"
"No, get off of me, Lesane!" I snatched my arm from him and continued toward my bedroom.
He walked close behind me. "Please, talk to me."

I remained quiet as I pushed back tears. He didn't deserve my fucking tears. He didn't deserve my love. He didn't deserve my body or any parts of me.

Everything I knew now made me question everything that I thought I knew, four years ago. I don't know why I thought Lesane would be the same man that he was four years ago. I don't know why I didn't question why he just popped up to my house, out of the blue.

I was doing the same dumb shit that got me caught up with DeAndré. I was thinking with my fucking heart instead of my head again. . . With Lesane, I didn't think I needed to be cautious. I didn't think I needed to be rational. I was in love. That's all that mattered. Lesane was always so good to me so why would I have even thought to put up my guard with him?

That's probably why D recruited him. He knew how much Lesane meant to me. He knew that I had no reason to doubt or question him.

but now I do.

"Renée, come on. You startin' to get on my damn nerves," he voiced his frustration.
"Fine, Lesane! Fine!" I finally faced him.

"You think I'm fucking stupid! You think you can just pop up at my house and lead me to believe that you still love me. . . You're using me, L!" I shouted.
"Sunny, what are you talk—"

"It's one thing to talk about what we do in the privacy of the bedroom to someone else, but it's another thing to set me up like this! It's another thing to use my feelings for you against me. . . I can't believe you'd do this to me, Lesane! I thought we were friends— best friends!" tears sprang from my eyes as I stared up at him.

"Sunny. . . I didn't—"
"Don't lie to me, L," I told him while wiping my tears.
He took a moment to sigh and avoid my eye contact.

"Sunny, I love you. I really d— No no no. Listen to me, a'ight? Listen!" his hands found my shoulders and kept me from walking away from him.

"The last thing I wanna' do is hurt you. I've never wanted to hurt you, but. . . I didn't have any other choice but to do this. I'm sorry," he explained.
"Why didn't you have any other choice?" I sniffled a little.

"The cops that were on me eventually arrested me. . . D arranged for them to let me go. I owed him. . . He tried to force me to tell him where you were, but I wouldn't. I didn't, Sunny. I swear. . . but he felt like since I wouldn't rat you out, I'd have to play a direct part in making you pay," he explained.
"Making me pay?" I questioned.

"For leaving him," he mumbled, looking down a bit.
"Why should I believe you?" I asked skeptically.
"I've always stayed true to you, Nay. . . You're my best friend," he confessed, his hands on my hips as his eyes found mine.

I could see the sincerity in his eyes, and I could hear how serious he was in his tone.

I took a moment to think about what he said. He didn't have to warn me that D was coming in the first place. He didn't have to tell me what he was telling me, right now. He could've just left me in the dark and let the plan play out.