Playing The Straight Game [boyxboy]

11

I guess it's now or never, Farren thought to himself, closing his eyes. God, why was Kaden so damn persistent.

"Okay Farren I thought it was just a little bit of girl drama but now your kinda starting to worry me." He reopened his eyes to find Kaden staring at him expectantly.

"Sorry, it's just a long story." He said, ruffling a hand through his hair. "Also, nice to know that you worry about me," he smirked, and to his surprise Kaden just winked back suggestively. Okay then.

The air became more serious and Farren decided that now was the time. Releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding, he began. "I wasn't being entirely truthful. The reason I'm not sleeping isn't because there's a lot on my mind. It's because I can't really, well at least not for very long."

He met Kaden's eyes and noticed they were filled with confusion. "I'm not sure I follow."

"I have insomnia." He clarified. "It's after improving a lot from when I was younger, but even at that I rarely sleep every night of a whole week, and on the times that I do it's never really more than a couple of hours per night. It started when my parents died, back when I first moved in with Grace and Jenny. They died on a boating accident, and I was there too. I saw them die." He shuddered, even thinking about it made him feel sick. Over time the memory had faded, mainly as a result of him suppressing it.

Hee forced himself to continue. There was no backing down now.

"After that, I started having nightmares. They got so bad that I sort of trained myself to stop sleeping. I didn't want to tell Grace and Jenny, they had already done so much for me and I didn't want to worry them or be a burden to them. And since then, I guess I just haven't been able to sleep properly.

He looked up to find the other boy looking at him with concern. "And the pills?" Kaden asked, finding his voice.

"They're sort of like stress relief." He clarified. "They're supposed to help with the nightmares. But I still can't fall asleep. It's like, all those years I spent training myself not to sleep, I just can't do it anymore."

He could see a million questions whizzing around Kaden's head. "How are you so.. awake all the time? You play football, for god's sake! And your grades are good. How do you do it?" Kaden asked, breaking the silence, his words coming out in a jumbled rush that took Farren a moment to decipher.

"I don't know man. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to drop dead. I take meds though, for energy. And I'm on antidepressants. I mean we've tried everything else, sleep therapy, sleeping pills, all that. But the therapy didn't work, and the pills had majorly bad side effects."

Farren didn't know what possessed him to open up to Kaden. I mean, he'd only properly known the boy for a week. Even if it felt like so much longer. He supposed it was because they were spending all their time together, night and day, apart from during school and training.

Normally, when you know someone for a week, you might only spend a couple of hours with them over the course of the week, if even. This was different

Kaden broke the silence, snapping him out of his reverie. "Oh God man, I don't know what to say." He said, his usual arrogance dissipated.

"You don't need to say anything."

"I know. But I'm sorry. About you parents and for being an awkward fuck." He laughed awkwardly. "Are you okay?"

Are you okay.

Three words. Three simple words, but that was all it took. Something snapped inside Farren, and he felt a wave of emotions wash over him. The air suddenly became so much thicker, and he felt his throat constricting. He wasn't okay. He knew that. He was exhausted, drained. It was gradually getting to his head, the tiredness, and it was really impacting him, more than he let on. He just felt so defeated, all of the time. The antidepressants really helped, but sometimes his mind just got the better of him.