Kakashi x Reader(just read it) Spectacular Love

Chapter 16. Emotions

           

-          Hey ____ - Naruto walked in my room as usual. I smiled at him.

-          Hey, Naruto, where's Sakura?

-          You're happy. – he said jokingly as if something strange has happened.

-          I am in a little better mood today. – I said smiling.

-          Wow, he affects you this much? Yesterday, you looked like you were ready to kill yourself.

I blushed a bit.

-          Anyway, ___, I have some really good news.

-          What? Has he..

-          Yes, he's gained conscious. I just came from his room, actually.

-          How is he acting?

-          Good. As usual, cold eyes, not talking much, you know, "Sasuke". His health is fine though. He asked about you, I told him about your condition, and that you were really worried about him.

-          I should visit him.

-          I told him that too, but he said you shouldn't get up, and it's bad for your health.

-          Well, I don't care.. – he gripped me by the shoulder and said

-          ___, what'll happen if you go there right now?

- ....

I wanted to see him but I wasn't sure that he wanted to see me too. What if he thinks that this all was a mistake, and regrets his decision?

Atleast he has to give me the chance to apologize, it's eating me alive. I got up.

-          Sorry Naruto.

-          I guess no point in trying to stop you, huh?

I didn't answer but looked in his eyes confidently. Learned that from my sensei.

-          He's in room 207.

-          You're a good friend, Naruto.

I was surprised that he let me go. Well, he's not the one who thinks that I should stay in bed, bet he wanted me to go.

I got to the room 207 successfully not being seen to the doctors and nurses who were in charge of me. I knocked on the door, not expecting any "come in". I heard nothing but I got in anyway. He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling like if he's in deep thought. When I came in, he turned his head to my direction.

-          What are you doing here? You shouldn't..

-          I know. – I sat beside his bed on my knees.

-          Sasuke?

-          ..

-          I'm sorry..

-          For what?

-          For..

-          That I jumped in front of you? That was my choice.

-          But...why?

-          Why? Yeah...why did I do that? – he said in silence as if he was asking from himself

-          I guess I didn't want you to die. – he answered closing his eyes. He continued..

-          When I woke up, I thought you were dead. I don't know why but I felt guilty, and blamed myself. Well, and him. it killed me,..again. but when Naruto said you were fine, I felt my heart beating again. It's like I was back from the dead. A weird feeling.  I know what it's like to be dead inside than anybody else. You can't even feel that you're breathing and that your heart is still beating. But when you entered my life, my pointless life.. no, not pointless.... I felt my emotions coming back a little. And it was.. interesting. But it brought back memories from the last time I "had" emotions. My tragic story, happy and sad memories. I've spent years not thinking about my past, but.. you made me. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. And when I saw the way you looked at him, I didn't want to believe it, but I started to do things that 'I' would never do. I locked myself in my room more often, and sometimes I even found myself standing in front of your door step in the middle of the night. I didn't want to think that I was "jealous".  I tried to convince myself that "I" would never feel that kind of stupid stuff. But I was. Again, a weird feeling that is. I always kept saying to myself that these were just temporary, they're gonna go away. But it just got worse and worse. The sight of you with him just flashed through my mind repeatedly, making me go crazy. I lost control. I always had to concentrate hard and keep my cool, otherwise, I knew that I'll unconsciously do something stupid. I've never had to try that hard to think straight, I was literally going crazy. Again, so weird. All of those emotions were so unfamiliar. And when I saw you crying in front of your door, all of that anger and craziness were gone in a splash. Suddenly the why part weren't so important anymore. I didn't want to ask you "why" you were crying, I just wanted to hand you a tissue. Just wanted to comfort you, and let you forget whatever the reason is. After that, I was in deeper trouble. I always thought that I was quite smart, smarter than a lot of people. But no matter how long I think about it, I couldn't understand myself, and these new emotions I was getting. I'm a little ashamed but.. I had to talk to somebody. Just to make all this go away, or at least "know" what it is. The only person that was near, and that I could think of was Naruto. I didn't tell him anything about you nor him, I just told him these emotions that I was getting from some girl. At first he didn't believe me, but when I finished talking, he said "sounds like you're in love with this girl" That made me shocked, angry, confused, excited all at the same time. In love? What does that even mean? All of this has turned into a love? And then I thought about all of it again one more time, but this time, a little differently. Interests, weird stuff I did, can't think straight. Wanting to protect someone, but don't want it to go away. Wanting to comfort someone no matter what. In my deep thoughts, I knew that Naruto was right. But I knew as well that this "love" is just too much for me to handle. And then... I saw you. Lying on the shattered ice, with eyes that has already given up. I had a plan with my life, a big one. And I couldn't just die to save some girl. I knew that, but at that moment, I couldn't care less. All I could see was you, all I could think was that I couldn't imagine you dying in front of my eyes. I couldn't imagine going to your funeral as well. I just ran, the fastest I could. And when I blacked out, I wasn't even sure that had I saved you. I just kept thinking, did I make it? Am I dead? Is "she" dead? And that brings to today, I woke up in the middle of the night, staring at a white ceiling. I thought that since I'm fine, I didn't make it. I wondered where were the others. Are they at your funeral? Or that's already happened? I looked around and saw the flowers and presents which was pointless. All of those emotions you have given me, all gone. I was almost back to normal, except that there were only one emotion still remaining. Pain. It felt like I was on the edge of a sharp knife, slowly stabbing me right in the heart. Again, I couldn't feel myself breathing and that my heart is still beating. A long night that was. But it all changed in the morning. Naruto and Sakura came in my room, and when they saw me awake, Sakura started to cry her eyes out and gave me the same flower that was on top of the presents. Her gesture meant nothing, I was dead inside, couldn't feel anything but pain. But then, Naruto said that you were fine, and that you wanted to see me. I almost jumped. I hugged Naruto and was unbelievably happy. That sharp knife was gone, and all of the emotions came back to me. I was able to smile again.  – he sighed.

-          ...and so -  he looked at my tearing eyes and wiped it with his fingers. – don't cry.

-          And so, I... love you. And I know that you will never feel the same way. And I know that you love him as much as I love you. So I can't ask you to leave him. But I can't stay here and watch you two either. I've had enough with the craziness. If I do that, all of this is just gonna repeat, and you can't be 100 percent happy with him, when I'm just hanging around you. I wanted to tell all that before I go away. - i knew i was too pathetic. That was the most beautiful confession that anyone could imagine, but yet i could not say it back. And he knows that. All i could do is to just cry on his shoulders.

-          What?

-          I'm going.

-          No. please, don't go. I want you to be here – I said still crying.

-          I have to go, I'm going for myself. You understand that, right?

Right. He couldn't just hang around here with me troubling him that much.

-          Right.

-          Thanks. – he tried to get up, and pulled out his arms to hug me.

I just hugged him not making him get up. He held me tight and sniffed my hair, I could feel the sadness in his hug. This is the last time. The last time I'm seeing Sasuke Uchiha.

-          Goodbye, Sasuke.

-          Goodbye, I love you ____. And I'm sorry.

Kakashi's pov

i just stood there in front of the door 207 not sure about what i should do. Can i let her go?

A/N sorry for the short chapter, next one will be longer. Tell me what you think on comments below, even one word is very appreciated Vote and Follow.

love you guys.