Chapter 24: Waiting

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“Ivy?” I asked quietly. The door to her room was open and when I peered in I could see her crying.

Ivy looked up, still sobbing. Her eyes and face were blotchy and red, her hair a mess and she was surrounded by tissues. “She was my best friend, Lila.”

“Hey,” I said softly, walking into her room. I placed myself next to her on the bed wrapped my arms around her. She leaned her head on my chest and cried, while I just sat there, stroking her hair and rocked her back and forth until she quieted.

“Everyone…I love…always leaves…me,” she said brokenly, her whole body shaking.

“Ivy..."I didn't know what to say, feeling tears well up in my own eyes.

“It’s true! My dad left me, my mom died, Claire died,” she said bitterly.

“I know, Ivy. But look, I’m still here. Dad is still here. Even if he isn’t your real Dad he still loves you.”

Her body relaxed again in my arms, “Yeah, he does. But I still wish I knew my real father.”

I nodded, even though she couldn’t see my face. It was only natural for her to be curious about her real father. We lapsed into silence after that, until Ivy fell asleep in my arms. I tucked her in as carefully into her bed as I could before sneaking out, closing the door quietly behind me.

I crept down my hall, and reminded myself that I’d need to be quiet later since Ivy would be home tonight...and most nights from now on.

When I got to my room, I closed the door, grabbed some fresh clothes and took a shower. Then I started reading, but when I got bored of that, I played some music quietly and sang along with it.

“I told myself today was gonna be the day; no more excuses 'cause I knew exactly what to say. Was gonna make my play but just like yesterday my mind erased and I let the moment slip away.” 

“Another night got me sitting here all on my own, picking up the phone, but I can’t get past the dial tone. Racking my brain going insane, again and again, I can’t keep going this way.” This song was totally describing my life. I had no idea how many times I went to approach Wyatt this week, but just freaked out and changed my mind.

“Crushed, by the sweetest lips I’ve never kissed. How you bring the tips and the warmest touch I’ve always missed. Crushed, by the softest hands I’ve never held.”

 I had never even kissed Wyatt. I had never held his hand like a normal person. The few times we did hold hands were to pin each other against a wall or on my bed.

“Probably never tell you're the strongest love that I’ve ever felt. Crushed, that I haven’t ever let you know how it always goes ‘cause I lose my nerve whenever you get close. And so I’m left, short of breath with that heavy feeling in my chest. Baby, I’m so crushed.”

“You really are, aren’t you?”

I froze, my eyes flashing open. Crushed continued to play in the background, but I stopped singing. I felt my cheeks darken significantly from being caught singing.

It took me a moment to understand the question, and the fact that he was actually here, but when I did I scrambled off my messy bed until I was standing in front of him, just a few feet away.

“Yes, I am crushed,” I replied, shifting my weight anxiously from foot to foot. Wyatt stared at me with that same blank expression. “Look, about what I said last week...I’m sorry. It was stupid to think that way and I know I hurt you when I did that.” I laughed bitterly, “Of course only I can cause the things I want to avoid. I didn’t want to end up hurting you, Matt or myself and look! I hurt you, I hurt myself, and soon Matt is going to get hurt too.”

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