rEaR vIeW (Amnesia _ I Need Ya)

Chapter 22

Zayn's Pov

One by one I saw them disappear leaving me and Gigi alone. Like it's going to help, I guess she owes me an explanation though. She was shaking, I was not sure if it was fear or anger.

We didn't say anything for a while. Her crying was annoying. Why is she acting like a victim? It's her who kept me in the dark. She is the one that lied to me.

"For god's sake, stop crying!", I roared. Every passing minute was building my pique up. I had no intention of even looking at her.

I felt so lonely, so betrayed when I learned about Perrie. Did she not care a little about me? I felt like I was unloved, alone without a partner. Why didn't Gigi tell me anything?

She did not say anything and walked to lock the door. Then I saw her angry brown eyes staring coldly at me.

"Why? You think only you have the right to get angry. Only you can cry?", she spat calmly. I was taken aback. Why is she so angry with me? She is so feisty. How did I even date her?

"I don't care what you think or feel anymore. I've had enough of your pessy remarks. Did you even try to think this from my point of view?", she was crying again. Her eyes were bloodshot but still filled with anger.

"Listen....", I tried to shake her off. I don't even know her. I have no reason to take her shit. I don't want another dramatic episode.

"No, you listen, Mr Selfish Malik. You think you are the only one that's suffering? The world doesn't revolve around you", she shouted pushing me down on the bed.

I did not dare to open my mouth. I think she needs an outlet. I need to know her side of the story.

"You have no idea of what we have been through since your accident. Everyone including boys has done so much more than you deserve. We love you. I love you!", it seemed like she was having difficulty breathing.

She was standing inches away from my mouth. I could feel her minty breath turning me on. What am I thinking?

"You think I betrayed you? Do you know how difficult it was to stand there knowing you don't even remember me? To see the love for Perrie in your eyes? Who do you think convinced her to do all this for you", she accused tears freely running down her eyes.

Without wasting time I locked my lips to her. She was taken by surprise but responded soon. It felt right to do this and also very familiar.

I was surprisingly comfortable with her. I remember when I kissed Perrie, it felt wrong, but this! This is all so messed up.

I think I was crying too. She rubbed my tears from my cheeks and we pulled out, " I'm sorry Gigi. I never acknowledged you all. I was so blessed with myself. I never thought of your feelings. But now it's enough", I raised her up following me.

"Don't wait for me. I have no memories of what we had but I'm sure it was just as beautiful as you are", she smiled a bit. She helped open my eyes. Helped me to think of others.

I was just being a selfish prick again. They are going against everything for me. I can't destroy their lives anymore.

"I'm not giving up on you", she was quick to defend. I held her hands feeling secure for the first time in a while.

"This is for you. I can't let you suffer. Let me go. I promise you if I ever get my memories back, I will come to talk. But don't stop living because of me", I smiled and opened the door grabbing her hand.

Others deserve to know this. I didn't let her change my mind refusing to hear her and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

Her love is incomparable. No one would do so much for someone who doesn't even remember you.

Of course, everyone had something to say about my decision but I ran up and locked myself. I was not crying this time. Somehow it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders.

Sleep has been a great coping mechanism for me. It is my safest haven, an escape from all of this. I think I slept the entire evening. Everyone was already gone leaving boys and Shirley with me.

A soft nudge on my shoulder broke my slumber. My eyes opened to a familiar smile. The one I needed to see yesterday. The one that assures me that I'll be fine.

"Liyuum. When did you arrive?", I asked, getting up and grabbing my T-shirt to wear.

Someone must have draped a blanket around me because it was freezing in here.

"Well slept but tired, my head's aching. Li, do you think I did the right thing about Gigi?", I asked him expecting an honest answer.

"Yes. She was horrible without you. She didn't know her stand in all this. Letting her go was right but losing hope is not. You can't push us away. Regardless of your memories, we love you just the same. We deserve a place in your life", he argued while I tamed my dishevelled hair.

Niall shouted from downstairs for dinner and I sighed. How can I face them? They would be so angry with me.

"I'm scared Li. What if I never remember? My family, the band, you guys, my career, Gigi, everything and everyone is at stake here", I was about to cry but didn't. I refuse to be miserable.

Liam is already going through so much. His face was enough to tell me that his trip back home has not gone well.

His eyes were red. He has cried the whole ride back. I gave him an assuring hug. I have to be there for them just as they are for me.

Liam walked down and I joined everyone after getting fresh. A very common image was in front of me.

Liam, Shirley and Harry were cooking. Niall and Louis were watching 'Friends'. Without wasting any time I dived in the middle of the two boys.

They didn't even flinch expecting me to do this. I rested my head on Niall's shoulder still feeling sleepy. I wish this all has to be the same. But I've known enough to tell that they have a big secret hiding from me.

I don't think I'm ready for it now. I just decided to focus on tonight. Shirley's special lasagna gave us foodgasms. This woman has a hidden talent box.

She talked to me about everything. She thinks I'm improving with Bulimia. Honestly, I want to give my best.

I'm not going to think why me? I'm not wasting my time on weeping now. I'll get better, remember everything for my boys, for Gigi.

But that night proved to me that I don't deserve even a little bit of confidence. It mocked me, telling me how messed up I am.

It was 2 in the night when I woke up from a dream. A dream that shook all my values, my hopes, my trust.

Was it a repressed memory? But how was it possible? I really hope it was a nightmare. I don't have the strength to see this mystery unfold. I think I'll lose everything in this journey of finding my true past.

Just what you guys wanted. It's getting so close to the end. I don't want this book to end. VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE. All the love. P