Can Divit, "Keşke"

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Author's Note: This is Can Divit's  "Keşke/If only" aka as the "Sliding Doors".

This is an alternate reality, opportunities and events in life where the decisions we make, sometimes in split seconds, alter our very destiny and the trajectory of our lives! 

Story inspired by below photo.... Just GO with it!

 Just GO with it!

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March 1999 ::  Can Divit, Age 11 

It's been a year since Huma left us.  I see Baba every few days. He's plunged himself into the work at the agency; oftentimes I can't tell if he is coming home late and leaving early or not home at all. My routine is set: wake up, school, extra curriculars, dinner, alone, rinse and repeat. 

There's an occasional phone call from mom asking me how I'm doing and she always seems to be preoccupied or busy when she calls me. I've stopped asking if her and Baba will reconcile. I've since learnt that they're divorcing each other and that our family will forever remain broken! Then I ask her if I can come to see her.... and she's silent on that as well!   

I've learnt to deal with it.... I'm starting to build my own coping mechanisms.  Our new home is now my castle and sanctuary... and I get relief hanging out on the deck and taking a swim. I often sit there and sketch for hours on end. On most days, I leave home after everyone's left and go the rocks by the bay. The rocks make me feel good.... and I often talk to the sea, fish and birds. I make wishes and send messages via the sea to  Emre, asking him and willing him to come back to us!  Now I've started to add a wish to see Baba happy. He's been so sad for so long and I want him to feel better, become my once vibrant Baba again! 

...


I did see Baba last Sunday at breakfast and he looked energized and enlivened. Strange... I've not seen him smile in a long time and that brought me peace. He's happy, at last, and I hope that whatever brought him that happiness continues!  

I've not dared to ask him about it.... we don't have that type of relationship. We did talk briefly and he asked me how school and other things were progressing.... he's seen my report cards I'm sure. I tell him I'm good and he gives me a slap on the back, a hug and leaves for the agency.

It's one fine Saturday and Emin Hanim, our housekeeper, had promised to make me Belgian Waffles. I've woken up, freshened up and get to the kitchen.... following the awesome aroma of freshly cooked waffles.  Baba is seated on the kitchen island eating breakfast and we say hello to each other. It's my favorite.... Waffles with chocolate syrup and I start gobbling them up... and out of the blue, starts a conversation with me.

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