built memories | a sequel

5 - Fading memory

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~*~

Isn't it weird how people change and grow apart and stop talking? How you are so used to live with someone in your life and suddenly they just aren't there. How you have to grow accustomed to the nostalgia and try to live your life now without that one person? And then one day, without expecting, without warning, you see this person, who you swore you were going to be friends with forever, with who you probably did plenty of things together, who you probably have the best memories with, who you probably made plans with for the future... and then you can barely think of a thing to say. Or maybe you have too many things to say, which you end up saying what you didn't want to. Then it finally hits you that somewhere along the way, your relationship dimmed, something happened to change that good feeling you would have with this person... and you will probably never be close to that person again, which is sad. And makes you think, regret things, miss things, ask yourself what did it go wrong? And why? Why did it have to end? Because you didn't fucking want it to end.

Louis thinks that's one of the saddest things he has ever come to terms with lately.

And he knows everyone experiences it in life (if you don't lose people you aren't living) during and after college he had... But he is not particularly talking about Erika, the girl he talked to for six months in his first years of college and then never talked again, who he saw the day he moved to London. Or Daniel, the guy who he talked the most in his drama class and got to know that moved to Paris. Or even Lola and Philip, his best buddies to hang out at night, who he came across three weeks ago in a grocery shop.

He is talking about his best friend. His boyfriend. Correction, ex best friend and ex-boyfriend. Because from Erika, Daniel, Lola and Philip he wasn't expecting anything... He wasn't expecting them to promise him a lifetime. They didn't promise him that.

Harry did.

Harry promised a lot. And while Louis didn't expect to keep contact with those four people, he was expecting with Harry. He expected a lot.

Now he has nothing.

"You still have me." Zayn had said the next night (Louis didn't go to work again) after Louis' argument with the green eyed man. After he had ran away for a walk alone. Ran away. Because it was just too much.

And Louis knew –knows, he has Zayn. For now. And he is glad Zayn didn't promise him a lifetime as well. Yet.

Louis calls his mother that same night, just to listen to her talking. He says nothing, Fiona knows that something is off, but doesn't ask. Just the usual. Are you happy? Which Louis ignores because he doesn't know how to answer it.

He eventually goes to work next day because he remembers that he was supposed to move on. Move on again.

He looks like shit, doesn't say good morning to anyone and keeps his time from the break on the auditorium looking at the piano and playing it on his mind. He drinks more coffee, works for a bit, replaces his lunch with two cigarettes, plays with the piano mentally again, has class (speaking with a dead voice and teaching students how to fake cry and gives them sad poems), drinks more coffee, smokes more cigarettes, works until late and goes by foot back to the flat (he might have ignored Zayn).

Next day Liam speaks to him and asks him what's been up. He is totally confused and totally worried but Louis tells him that maybe he will tell him one day, when feels ready and not to try to ask Zayn because he won't tell him.

The rest of the day is the same.

On Friday Jonathan finally appears on class and apparently he had been skipping it as well. Louis thinks he looks pathetic, exactly like himself.