built memories | a sequel

6 - Honest

"Hey love." Zayn smiles, he is wearing a red sweater, having his hair brushed in a perfect quiff and looking gorgeous, as fucking always. He is glad that he decided to bring his laptop with him or he wouldn't be able to Skype with Zayn since his sister is doing the same with her boyfriend... for hours... and they aren't even talking, for fifteen minutes now for god's sakes.

"Hello" Louis answers softly and he almost feels bad for not brushing his hair. "Going out?"

"Yeah, to my family in thirty. Just really wanted to talk to you. Happy birthday!" Zayn grins and wow Louis might not deserve him but still appreciates having a Zayn in his life. A Zayn who he can also care about.

"Thank you, babe."

"Really wished I could be with you, it's a shame we didn't manage to join our families this year like last one." Zayn says and his voice sounds muffled and the image a bit distorted, which makes Louis remember the bad internet connection they have in the flat. "Hope you are still having a good time."

Louis shrugs as an answer. "It's only Christmas." He says as if he is saying it's just a normal day, when apparently it's raining more around here.

"And your birthday. Talked to Liam today and your party is still up."

"Oh Jesus, I'm expecting everything this year." He chuckles and Zayn takes some more time to answer this time.

"You look better. You actually look good." He grins getting closer to the camera as if that way he can see Louis better.

"I always look good Zayn." Louis smiles a bit. "Sorry though." He sighs and even if he is video chatting with Zayn, it's hard for him to look at his face. "I keep only thinking about myself," and him "when I should be thinking about the people around me as well. I treat you like shit sometimes, especially drunk... god sorry for getting drunk so many times this past weeks, messing up the flat and not cleaning it out, smoking your pack... And mostly not thanking you as many time as I should."

"No need of that, little one."

"Shut up Zayn, you say it as if it's okay for me to not value your presence in my life."

"But I'm not saying it like that. I'm saying that is okay for you to feel down like this sometimes and it's not your fault. I just wished you didn't feel this way for so long and you would let me help you."

"I let you help me, you know it. And I appreciate it so much."

"I know you do, but letting me help you and listening to what I say to help yourself are two different things. You only do the first one."

"I'm sorry..." Louis says playing with the corners of his laptop. He knows Zayn is right, he knows, he just doesn't feel ready to do anything.

"Don't apologise to me, apologise to yourself." And seriously how can Zayn say this in the most tender tone possible, making Louis want to travel back to London to hug him? "Just think about getting better... Always for yourself, because you deserve it, if you believe in yourself you will be good. I really want to help you but I think this time only you can do it."

Louis nods "I just don't know what to do."

"You will know when the time comes, sounds cliché but it's true."

"Well the time could come quicker."

"I know love." Zayn says sadly. "Is it staying there making you feel better anyway? To think and stuff?"

"Don't really know... I've been sleeping on Peter's room because for the first time this room doesn't help me at all." Zayn looks surprised and Louis thinks he loses him for some seconds when he seems to freeze "I don't feel sad but..." He stops himself and avoids looking at the camera again.