remission • trixya

xiii

90s russian pop music blasted throughout the house. oh, how katya missed doing this. she swayed while cleaning dishes in the kitchen from last night when trixie was over. she bought the both of them pizza so they ate it and watched big little lies, katya's favourite show.

"hmmMMMmm," katya hummed along to the song as she put the dishes on the drying rack.

she kept thinking back to the kiss that night at the hospital. trixie didn't seem to be affected by it whereas katya was practically going insane about it. did she mean it? does she actually like me?

all these questions kept circling katya's head, giving her a headache. she jumped on the couch and curled up into a ball, getting a blanket and putting it over herself. as she laid on the couch, she opened her laptop, checking the email trixie sent her regarding the trip to go all over the world.

katya couldn't believe that trixie would want to travel around the world with her and only her. of course, they've travelled the world together before, but it was with other people and was for work. whereas this time it's just them two , travelling as friends.

the more katya thought about the trip she bigger her smile got. she reached over for her phone to message trixie. katya wrote out the message and read it back to herself.

"just wondering about the trip and if you were still down to do it." katya read and then sent the message and waited for a reply.

seconds turned into minutes. minutes turned into hours. katya finally got up from the couch to head upstairs.

knock knock.

katya spun on her heels and faced in the direction of the door. she walked toward it and looked through the camera. it was trixie holding chinese food. her hair tied up in a high pony tail and thin white glasses that sat on the bridge of her nose.

katya unlocked the door and opened it. she gave trixie a big smile and she turned it. "hello. i bought us dinner." trixie casually welcomed herself into katya's house.

"oh yes. come in." katya laughed. she paced to the kitchen and moved all her magazines to one side so she could set up the table.

"sorry i didn't respond to your text. things came up today i was super busy." trixie apologised. she could understand why trixie has been busy these last couple days. her makeup company have been designing and trialing new products and she's been drafting out an idea for her next tour. whereas katya hasn't done anything other than sit at home and watch trashy afternoon tv.

of course, katya wished that she could spend all day with trixie. but she has other commitments, so katya won't be her first preference. "it's fine." katya said in a reassuring tone.

katya handed trixie two plates and glasses to place on the table. katya bought over the forks and knives.

they sat across from each other. "i got your favourite." trixie pulled out a box from one of the bags. "number 45. spicy chicken satay." trixie slid the box to katya. "and for myself, a vegetable satay." she opened the lid and indulged herself.

"i wanted to ask you a question. about when i was in the hospital." katya placed her fork down. "that night you stayed with me. in my bed." she took a breath out. she felt as if her heart was going to break her ribs. trixie's eyes widened. "y-you kissed me. and it was different to the other times you've done it-" katya was interrupted by trixie who began to choke on her vegetables.

she coughed and coughed until finally taking a swig of her water. she cleared her throat, "sorry." she apologised. "i'll be honest with you, kat. i barely remember that night. i don't remember that happening." trixie shrugged.

"right. sorry for bringing it up then." katya looked down at her dinner. "i'm not really hungry." she placed the lid back on the box.

"you need to eat!" trixie insisted. trixie did remember the night, as if it was yesterday when she kissed katya like that. she didn't want to admit that she's interested in katya because she loves where her career is at. possibly starting a relationship with katya could crash all her dreams as they work together almost everyday. "katya, please." trixie pleaded with her to eat. katya eventually gave in and finished her food.

"i just want to know why." katya stared down at her food.

"i don't know." i shrugged.

katya's head then snapped up. "so you do remember?" she stared at me. "and you lied to me?"

"it's not like that-"

"get out." katya slammed her palms on the wooden table and stood up, looking down at trixie.

"wait what?-"

"get out! leave my house!" she pointed at the door. trixie was genuinely confused. why was katya kicking her out?? what'd she say??

"no!" trixie yelled back.

"trix... don't play with my head. you always play with my feelings! IM SO SICK OF IT!" katya hit herself in the head. "LIKE OH MY GOD. DO YOU EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME?" she fell to the ground and sobbed.

"katya-" trixie pushed her chair back.

"you always do this to me!" katya cried on the floor.

"calm down. you're being over dramatic." trixie kneeled down next to katya and rubbed her back. katya snapped her head up and looked at trixie with her bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face.

"i'm not being fucking over dramatic!" she slapped trixie's hand away. "just tell me-straight up, do you want to just be friends or more." katya asked.

trixie didn't say a word. she was so shocked that katya had said something like that, the wasn't expecting it.

katya sighed. "i think it's best if you leave." she stood up and walked upstairs. trixie watched as she disappeared to the next floor, remembering literally what just happened.

why did i not say anything?

trixie placed her palms over her eyes and sat on the ground with her back against the wall. although katya had told her to leave she didn't want to. she wanted to stay with katya.

katya looked out the window waiting for trixie to walk off, why was she taking so long? katya tiptoed down a few steps and looked around the corner and there was trixie, sobbing into her hands on the cold tiled floor.

katya closed her eyes and sighed. then walked back upstairs into her room. she could hear sniffles coming from downstairs. then footsteps on the floor.

trixie went into katya's bathroom and wiped all her makeup off aggressively. she grabbed a wipe and with both hands just scrubbed her face in an up-and-down motion. then wiped the excess off. she looked at herself in the mirror. how could she let something so little succumb to this? maybe it wasn't as little as she thought.

trixie left the bathroom and picked up her things from the kitchen. she opened the front door and looked at the staircase before closing, seeing if katya was looking. but she wasn't.

trixie slammed the door shut, loud enough for katya to hear, and walked away from her house in a hurry, which soon turned into a run.

katya watched as she ran away from her house and down the street.

why was she crying before? why is she running?