Then and Now

The Older Brothers

"You can't force me to go to school!" Lucifer glares at his father, he couldn't believe that his dad was doing this. 

"You can't just skip school Lucifer, you're a senior, you need to focus on studying hard." Chuck says firmly, crossing his arms. "You can visit Michael after school, okay?"

"I can't believe this," Lucifer mutters under his breath.

"What?"

"This is stupid, do you seriously expect me to learn about boring shit today when my friend is... is in hospital?"

"Yes, actually, I do." Chuck's voice is hard. "So go to school, before I ground you."

Lucifer clenches his fist, barely keeping his anger in check as he grabs his bag and slings it onto his shoulder. His dad could be such an uncaring dick sometimes. 

"And if you even think about skipping... I will not be happy kid."

Lucifer rolls his eyes, storming out from the room. As he walks out through the front door, he once again saw the bleeding, shocked Michael in his mind. What could have possibly have happened to the boy? He slammed the door behind him, thoughts of Michael once more consuming his mind. Standing still for a moment on the front porch, he tries not to think of the last time they had sat out here together. The night when Lucifer had destroyed their friendship. He stares at the steps for a long moment, seeing the two of them sitting there that summer night. Then the vision goes, and Lucifer stomps down the stairs as his emotions whirl violently within his chest. 

Lucifer starts walking in the direction of the hospital, having no intention whatsoever to actually even go to school. He didn't care if his father grounded him, let him, but Lucifer was determined to be there for his friend. He needed to. Not just to make things right, but also because Michael was hurting and needed somebody to be there for him right now. 

Lucifer... was, as far as he was concerned, a failure of a human being. He didn't think this in a melodramatic way, he wasn't the type to wallow in self pity, but he knew he was far from perfect. He was a terrible son, bad friend and even worse brother. He had spent the last couple of years watching as Castiel slowly fell into a dark pit, as he grew quieter and more withdrawn, and what had he done to help him? 

Nothing. He had just stood by and watched his brother fall, and all the while did nothing to help him. Their father didn't even seem to notice, but Lucifer had long since decided that he was in fact a worse person than his father. At least his father simply didn't notice. Lucifer knew that it was even worse of him to notice and yet do nothing. 

He hated himself for being how he was, but the biggest thing he hated about himself was the reason he and Michael had fought that summer's night. He was sure that he would never forgive himself for ruining his only real friendship.

It was time he tried to fix that. He needed to. He just needed to apologize, to make things better. Then, maybe, he would try to be a better brother. He was scared though, scared that Castiel had fallen so far into that black hole that no one would be able to pull him out. It didn't help that the boy was refusing to speak to Dean. Whatever was going on there, Lucifer felt like fixing that might be the way to save his brother.

Lucifer was far from a good person. He was nothing but trouble and disappointment. But he felt like if he could just... fix things. Then maybe, just maybe, it would all be okay.

He just hoped it wasn't too late.

~~~

Dean woke to the sound of his brother's screams that night. He was out of bed faster than the Impala, grabbing the baseball bat by the side of his bed as he ran across the hall to his brother's room. It was still dark, and only the faintest of moonlight lit his brother's room as he bursts in.

Flicking the light on, relief floods Dean's chest as he sees that the room is empty. His brother lay in his bed, sheets tangled around his long limbs as sweat drenched his light grey t-shirt.

"Sammy?" Dean drops the bat, rushing to his brother's side and shaking him gently. "It's okay Sammy, its just a nightmare."

Sam was breathing heavily, bolting upright as Dean woke him. Dean jumps backwards, barely avoiding having his nose broken by Sam's head. 

"Sammy?"

Sam clutches his sheets, trembling. Dean cautiously reaches out to touch his brother's shoulder, Sam's eyes were staring unseeingly at the door, Dean knew that he wasn't in the room then. He knew that Sam was back in that warehouse. Dean sometimes found himself there too, after a nightmare. Sometimes he would see that distant look in Sam's eyes at breakfast, or from across the hall at school, and he knew that his brother was still in that warehouse. Stuck there, never ever able to truly leave. 

"De?" Sam finally whispers, turning to look at Dean with tearful eyes. 

"Its okay Sammy," Dean pulls his little brother in for a hug, wishing he could do something more. Wishing he could do more to help his bother than simply offering hugs. What kind of older brother was he if he couldn't even protect his little brother. He wished he could kill all of the internal demons that haunted his brother, but he just couldn't.

Sam was trembling, Dean's heart sinks further as he hugs him tighter. It had been weeks since Dean had seen Sam have a nightmare this bad. 

"Are you okay?"

Sam sniffles, pulling away to wipe at the tears. "Its just... just... seeing Michael like... that," he pauses, "I guesss I'm still... still scared that he will..."

Dean ruffles Sam's messy hair affectionately. "I promise you, Azazel isn't coming back, he's locked up now." Dean felt terrible, guilty even. Because he knew that one of the biggest things that haunted Sammy was Lilith. The person he had killed to save Dean. It was because of Dean that Sam had blood on his hands, and he didn't know how to fix it. 

"How can we be sure?" Sam's voice wavered. 

"Because... I'll look into what happened to Michael, okay? Make sure its nothing to do with any of that shit." Dean laid a hand on his brother's shoulder. He felt thinner than he should under Dean's hand. "I promise."

In that moment, Sam looked more like the chubby little kid that he had once been than the lanky teen he was now. His scared eyes looking to Dean for protection. He was the older brother, and it was his job to look out for Sammy, to protect him. So he would do whatever it took to make sure his brother never had to feel that fear again. 

Once Sam had fallen into a fitful sleep once more, Dean quietly stood and left the room. He had some research to do. 

~~~~~

Gah so I guess this is kinda a smaller filler but I'm excited to be back to this fic!! This chapter is more just me setting up the next major plot points that are coming up, and I'm honestly kinda excited to get to them!!