Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 12

The responsibility of love: 

To keep another's heart safe.

-Bridgett Devoule 

Holy shit, are you ok?" Lucy asks, immediately falling to my side and laying a hand on my knee. I glare angrily at the floor and wipe my face, wiping the wetness away on my knee.

"I just need a second." I say. I hate him. I hate him.

I hate him because if he had kissed me, there would have been no hesitation on my part.

And there should have been.

Lucy sits down next to me and just stays quiet for a few minutes as I try not to fall deeper and deeper into anger and worry and anxiety and

"Ivy, what happened?" Jayden's voice startles both Lucy and I, making me immediately stand up from my weak position on the floor. Jackson didn't get to make me feel like this anymore, I'm done, we're done.

I don't even know how I'm feeling.

I'm worried about him.

Honestly.

And that fucks me off because I shouldn't be, he doesn't want me here, he said it himself. He doesn't want to talk to me or see me, but he has to because I'm friends with these people.

Is it better if I just wasn't? If I just left him alone and found new people, would he be ok then?

But these are my friends.

And I'm only thinking that because it would be easier on me as well, I wouldn't have to see him spiral in front of my own god damn eyes and not be able to do anything about it. Because I lost that right when I left, there's nothing I can do now.

Fucking hell, this is awful.

Spiral city over here, him, me. What a nightmare.

"She's ok." Luce nods to Jay and they both look back at me when I huff and pull Jackson's hoodie up over my head and throw it at Jayden.

"You can give that back to him when you see him." I say and walk past them both, I was still angry, still pissed off with everything but it was almost amusing to see Lucy and Jay share a very 'oh shit' look.

"Are you ok?" Jayden says and grabs my hand before I manage to get fully past him, making me stop suddenly.

"Yeah." I nod, I was ok. I was just pissed.

I remember last year thinking how much I enjoyed the feeling of anger, it was powerful, it was a normal emotion and once again it was Jackson that brought it out of me. But I wasn't the same girl I was back then, I had grown and didn't need a man to make me feel powerful.

But power comes from passion, whether it's the fire I felt when I was shouting back at him, or the strength and control I felt when I watched him show me how he was feeling. It doesn't matter anymore.

But it was still there.

Passion is what I had with Jackson and we shouldn't still be in that place. It's been a year, we both had loved, hated, moved on, and forgot about each other.

But why does that change when we're suddenly pushed together? In a room with our friends, why does it feel like he's the only one I want to talk to? To look at? To have look at me.