Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 17

"What was that?" Max asks before I can compose myself. Before I can hide the hurt expression on my face.

I knew trying to get close to Jackson again, in order to help him, would hurt me.

But I didn't imagine how much it would hurt, him constantly pulling away.

"Nothing, just Jackson things." I mutter and rub my eyes, wrapping the blanket tighter around me as I flush in embarrassment at what we were just doing.

Sat next to our friends.

Fuck.

Why do I still feel like this?

"Ivy?" Jayden says and I look up at him, and just shrug.

There's nothing to talk about.

"What?"

Jayden sighs and he knows I wouldn't explain to him what happened, why Jackson just suddenly left.

"Are you ok?" He asks instead.

"Yeah." I sigh. I don't know how I feel, I feel confused and annoyed with myself for letting him touch me when I knew, I knew he'd pull away.

I was just waiting for it.

............................

A few days later it's Wednesday and I hadn't seen or talked to Jackson, he didn't come when we all went to Stars on Monday and nobody mentioned him when I met Nora and the girls for coffee Tuesday.

I was itching to ask Jayden or Max where he was, if they had checked in on him, knowing full well that he was at home alone.

On Monday, Sophia and Evan had their first mentoring session and both Daniel and I were surprised at how cold the little boy was, how uninterested he was in the whole thing.

Daniel likes him, but I can help but feel for Sophia. And it just got worse when Daniel left to escort the little boy back to class. Sophia was still sat at the little table we were using and she looks worried.

I asked her what was up and although it's been a few days now, her words haven't left me.

"Are you okay? Anything on your mind Sophia?"

"We're going on holiday tomorrow."

"I know, and you're missing school." I said, teasingly shaking my head at her.

"I'm scared."

"Why do you feel scared?"

"Because last time everyone argued when we got back."

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"I don't really know what happened but mummy and daddy were shouting at Jackson and he was just all wobbly and angry and I just really don't want that to happen again."

Can you understand why I can't stop thinking about it?

"It's been three months." "You need to stop beating yourself up." "A slip up." "Wobbly."

I think he had drunk again, there was no other explanation. I had been home a month and so if it was three months ago, it would have been a month before I even knew I was coming back here.

But then we came back.

"I'm not drinking again Ivy."

That's what he said to me, that's what he told me. And people would have told me when I got back if they thought he was drinking again, wouldn't they?