a little sunshine

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Chapter 7

I always listen to music whenever I need clarity, there is always that one song that stands out at that very moment. I took out my laptop and went straight to Ami Faku, it was obvious I was going to play Imali. I relate to this song, I honestly thought for a moment there that my life was okay. I was normal, I could have everything I wanted. That was short lived. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the moments we had with Claire, I tried to remember if my mother was nervous. I know she was scared of her boyfriend, I know Qhama and I loved having Claire around, she was a necessary distraction and a new addition to the family. She used to pull my fingers and call me "Yaya", I wonder did she know or notice the difference. I know she was only a year and a few months when she arrived. She spent months with us so surely she knew that her parents were not around. I wonder what they went through when we were busy playing with their daughter. If my mother really took 5 million from them, then why is it that Qhama and I never found the money. I mean it wouldn't be hard. We were in a RDP house.
Me" I have so many questions for you, I hate that you are not here and I am left alone to deal with your mess. I sometimes try to see things your point of view, I think maybe when my Dad died you needed a change of pace. I know you were a widower at such a young age, I was there but then what changed? What made you change?"
"I sometimes think it's the pain, I sometimes think it's being used to being rescued by men so when my Dad passed away, you needed someone else to love you. I sometimes wish Qhama was never born, hell I wish I was dead. That way we don't get to deal with the disappointment of having you as a mother. I met a guy, I fell in love and it turns out, Lelona is his best friend. The fucked up part? If I tell Yanga that you are my mother, he will probably hate me. And Qhama loves Yanga. Why is it that even in your grave, you still manage to ruin my life?"
I switched on my phone and called Yanga.
Yanga" What's wrong??"
Me" Nothing, why?"
Yanga" Your phone was off"
Me" I wanted to sleep, went to Barney's with Khanya"
Yanga" Waye New Brighton?"
Me" How do you know ndiphi?"
Yanga" I know people"
"Should I come fetch you?"
Me" No, if you don't mind, can I sleep over here"
Yanga" Yazini"
Me" I'll call you later"
I needed to deal with this my way, and the only way I know how. The steps were simple:
Remove WhatsApp profile picture ✔
Write a cryptic WhatsApp status ✔
Switch off my phone ✔
Take two adcodols ✔
watch carpool Karaoke until I fall asleep ✔

The following day I woke up and I switched on my phone, sent Qhama a text then checked my WhatsApp. I didn't have any messages from Yanga, just from Sange and Khanya. I didn't have food here, so I wore leggings and an oversized Sasco t-shirt then walked to Shoprite. On my way back, my phone rang.
Me" Hey"
Yanga" Wela"
Me" Huh?"
Yanga" Cross the street"
I looked around and I saw his Range parked across the street.
Me" I feel like walking"
Yanga" Okay, I'll meet you at your place"
Me" Okay"
I took my time getting to my place because I needed a reason for yesterday. I was blank. I had no reason to be upset, at least according to him. He was standing next to his car, I was curious as to why he was dressed up. He wasn't dressed up for court.
Yanga" Did you see my message?"
Me" No"
Yanga" I sent you a text izolo"
Me" I didn't get it"
Yanga" Ina"
He gave me a brown paper bag.
"It's a morning after pill"
Me" Should I take it now?"
Yanga" Today"
Me"Okay"
Yanga" I don't know utheni, and I don't know if ufuna ndibuze. Or wait for you to tell me when you are ready"
Me" I just wanted to sleep over here before I officially move out"
I couldn't believe how easy it was to lie.
Yanga" Okay"
Or maybe it wasn't because he wasn't convinced.
"Can I hug you?"
I nodded, and he gave me a hug. I didn't want him to pull away. His phone vibrated, he pulled it out then replied to the text.
Yanga" I have to go Baba wam, I'll see you later"
Me" Okay"
He kissed my forehead, I wondered why it was so easy to love him. Maybe it was because I was always a priority, I wondered if it was maybe the age difference. Surely it played a role, because his intentions are always clear, he communicates, he gives me room to grow and he never tries to change me or make me what he wants me to be.
Yanga" Should I order food for you?"
Me" I'll be fine"
Yanga" Masambe"
Me"Siyaphi"
Yanga" Asoze ndikuyeke unje"
"Please get in"
I got in the car and he closed the door, I decided to pop the pill now. He always has water in his car.
Yanga" Call your friends, tell them to meet us at Shambala, it's a spa in Walmer"
He called to book an appointment for us while I was texting them on WhatsApp. We didn't speak on the way, he just kept on stealing glances then nodding. Khanya and Sange both promised to meet me there.
Yanga" I'll sort out the payment quickly"
He went out of the car, and his phone rang. I looked at the caller id, but I didn't recognize the name. So I just decided not to answer, but then the person called again. The person was saved as "Handy Andy", I was curious but I decided to just take his phone and take selfies. I always take random selfies on his phone, he opened my door.
Me" Handy Andy called, I didn't answer"
Yanga" Okay, you can wait for your friends inside"
"I really need to go"
Me" Okay"
Yanga" Take pictures for me"
We kissed, then he left. Minutes after my friends arrived.
Khanya" Sana! I don't know where you found him but I want one of my own"
Me" Hahaha, You have a boyfriend"
Sange" But Yanga boyfriends, it's trips, shopping sprees, then it's affection, ndithi wena love language and loyalty. Zonke they are clear"
Khanya" But tshomi he has the means"
Me" I don't think so"
Khanya" But baby girl, he is your first real boyfriend. He has raised the bar and whoever you date next will always be compared to him"
"Money is an advantage kwi relationship"
Sange" Money and having a car, those things are vital"
Me" And love"
Khanya" Haska! Anyone can love, money tshomi is what sets the bar kum dyolo"
Sange" Jonga, before Yanga you had one proper weave, the one we bought on Aliexpress. Then you walked around with your hair and braids, but now, how many weaves do you have?"
"How many sneakers, heels, jeans, better yet, how many times do you change your hair and nails?. Before Yanga, those things were a luxury and before Yanga we sure as hell didn't do Spa dates. All I'm saying is money plays a huge role in relationships"
Me" Yea but I dated him before I knew he was capable of doing these things"
Sange" Awundiva. I'm not saying you are with Yanga for his money, that's not you, but I'm saying; you being with him has some sort of advantages. You need not to feel ashamed"
Khanya" If you are ashamed of him, I can take him from you"
We all laughed
Me" We had sex"
Sange" And are you happy?"
I nodded
Me" It was my idea"
"I don't have any regrets"
Khanya" Use a condom"
Me" I will"
Sange" Tshomi"
I looked at her
"Does the age difference ever bother you?"
Khanya laughed
Khanya" Have you seen Yanga?, like see him tshomi and analyse him?"
I laughed
"What's thirteen years sana? Hay, Sange uyadlala wena. Hahahaa age difference, yhuuu! Asoze sidyole mos"
The spa date was exactly what I needed, when we were done with everything. Khanya offered to take us out for lunch.
Me" Have you idiots notice what I'm wearing?"
Khanya" Hahaha bendingafuni uthetha"
"Masambe wethu, it's not like you are trying to impress anyone"
I had such a lovely afternoon with my friends, I shifted my thoughts which was so necessary. Yanga came to fetch me after his meeting then we went back to his place.

Yanga" Baby"
I was watching The end of the fucken world, we were both in love with the series.
Me" I promise we can go back, I just couldn't wait for you"
He laughed then he sat down, I got up and went to seat on top of him.
Yanga" I missed you"
Me" I missed you too"
Yanga" Am I rushing you?, is that why you were sad izolo?"
Me" No, but I needed a break from us, like we are always together and I wanted a minute to myself"
"I thought I was going to cry"
Yanga" Nothing?"
Me" Nope"
Yanga" Masambe"
Me" Siyaphi?"
Yanga" It's December baby, kumnadi naphina"
Me" Our bed?"
Yanga" Tshini lomntu hahhaha you just complained about always being together"
"Masambe Yazini"
Me" Siyaphi?"
Yanga" Ongama is having a braai pha"
"Nxiba kuyabanda, and I know you won't want to hang out with the other girlfriends. So just don't forget to take a jacket"
I kissed him
Yanga" Or sihlale?"
I know him, he wanted go out with his friends.
Me" Masambe"
I took a shower then moisturized my body, he was on the phone but his eyes were on me. I looked at him then laughed. I sat next to him, I was still nude, he had a huge grin on his face. I just wanted to show him that everything was waxed off. His fingers trailed between my thighs, I opened my legs for him and he smiled.
Yanga" I will present the deal to my client, and I will get back to you first thing tomorrow"
His fingers found their way in my honey pot, I don't know if the excitement made me shiver or I was just feeling cold.
"I will present the amount to him, go over the new paper work"
He laughed when a soft moan escaped my mouth.
Yanga" The arrest was unlawful, don't make this difficult. If we take this to court you will lose"
His thumb caressed my clit, he picked up the pace.
"Greg, I'll call you later. I need to finish this"
He put his phone on the side and we both laughed.
Yanga" I am in love with you"
Me" I know, I love you too by the way"
"Now can you focus on me?"
He went down on me then kissed my honey pot.
Yanga" Get dressed Yazini, we are going to this braai"
"But nice try"
Me" I almost had you"
Yanga" Yea right"
I wore jeans, a grey knitted jersey and sneakers.
Yanya" Take a jacket"
Me" I will"
I took his denim jacket and he laughed
Yanga" I wanted to wear it"
Me"  You have a million of these, make a plan"
His phone rang and he answered it.
Yanga" Fuck! I told you don't sign any fucken statements without me! Ndiyeza!. Don't take shit from inmates, uyasokilisa bra!"
" Just keep your mouth shut!, ndiyeza"
He threw his phone on the bed.
Me" Go"
Yanga" I'm sorry"
Me" I'll sleep. Wake me up xa ufika"
Yanga" I'll make it up to you"
He kissed me then left, I took off what I was wearing then wore pyjamas. A text from him came in.
" Switch off the lights, everything. Lock the bedroom door lock Giant in our bathroom"
"Now Yazini"

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