The Adjacent Room [h.s]

Chapter 10

'Shouldn't have let what happen?' I fight the stream of tears to hear what Harry means. Lately, I've frequently found myself hanging onto his every word.

'All of it. I never should have gotten drunk, I never should have made those comments and I never should have said what I did in the green room.' His cheek is still on my head and I can feel his mouth moving with each word. His tears are still flowing and my heart aches at his guilt. I made him feel so bad by making such a big deal over nothing. Now I'm in his arms and my thoughts are clear, I realise I overreacted. These arms around me. This is all I need and I'm sure I'll be okay forever.

Sometimes when I watch a movie I hear a character describe someone as 'home'. I never really knew what that meant, but in this moment, here in Harry's arms, I realise that I've known what home was all along. In 30 seconds settled in his arms, the pain in my chest that I couldn't shake is gone. My face is still wet with tears and my hair has stuck to my face, but I couldn't feel more at peace anywhere else. I know that this moment won't last forever and I won't ever have him in the way I need him, but for right now, I tell myself that it'll all be okay. As long as he's nearby.

My tears have stopped now and I know I need to stop his too.

I take my head off his chest and adjust my body to sit up to be nearer to his face, and as I do this, he takes his comforting arms away. In seconds, my body feels cold again and part of me wishes I never moved.

'No Harry, I'm sorry. I made you feel so bad for doing practically nothing wrong.' I sniffle. I thought my words would stop his tears, but they just keep flowing. I did not think this through. My chest literally burns at the sight of his tears, and I know I could live my life happily if I never have to see them again.

'It's just..I just..I don't know. Can I stay here tonig..I'm so sorry that is so inappropriate. I'll go now. I shouldn't have said that.' He says the words with a trembling voice and I hate that he feels he has to second guess everything he says around me. I made him do that.

'Harry, stop.' I look him dead in the eyes and rest my hands on top of his. I don't know why he still seems so broken and I can't understand why he would want to stay here, but I don't care. I need him close more than he'll ever know and even though it's so wildy unprofessional, I can't say no. It is so selfish to use him needing me as a friend as a way to comfort my own need for him, but I won't be able to stay afloat if I don't.

'Thank you. For everything. You are so much more than just an assistant.' He softly says. If only he knew what I wished that really meant.

A little bit of the shine is back in his eyes. I adore every part of him and it brings me pain that it will never be reciprocated. He seems so vulnerable right now and I wish I could make it better, I just don't know what's bothering him. Thoughts of his tears over Camille at the show tonight start to creep back in, and my freshly pieced together heart starts to fall apart again. Is it something to do with Camille that is making him cry? Is it because she was his girlfriend and I'm just his assistant that I can't make it better? Shit. I'm crying again.

'I'm sorry, I'm not sure why this keeps happening.' I say as a tear rolls down my already wet cheek. I know exactly why this keeps happening.

'Come here.' I thought Harry was over Camille but it's clear his heart is taken by her still. This thought hurts more than if he was crying for reasons unknown, yet it doesn't stop me from snuggling up beside him and placing my head into the crook of his neck. My whole body needs Harry, and even though he doesn't need mine, I feel so much better curled up here.

I've hugged Harry countless times, but I've decided this is my favourite spot in his arms. His body is so warm, and my head fits perfectly in between his shoulder and his head.