The Adjacent Room [h.s]

Chapter 45

Harry stays curled into my chest for a long time. He lets out soft sighs in his sleep, and something tells me this is the best sleep he's had in a long time. He's shattered right now, but despite everything, there's something more at peace in him.

The first thing I did when he fell asleep was text Anne and my mom, telling them what Dr. Atkins said. They both insisted on flying to L.A., but I told them to wait until we got the official explanation. Harry would see his mom every day of his life if he could, but he'd also feel bad if she flew out for him. Like she always has, Anne understands Harry like nobody else, and she understood that he wouldn't want her to come all this way prematurely. My mom was ready to book flights until I assured her that I would call her as soon we got the explanation.

I researched everything that Dr. Atkins said for at least an hour, trying to get as much information as I can. I'm obviously no doctor, but every symptom that Harry has is listed under symptoms for exhaustion.

I decided to not tell anyone else about Harry. I considered texting the group chat with Mitch, Charlotte, Sarah, Adam and Ny Oh, but they've got their first performance in New York in a few weeks and are all staying there. It's been on the back of my mind that I don't think Harry and I are going to be able to see them like I promised we would, but right now probably isn't the time to be obsessing over that.

Someone from the hospital came to bring Harry food at some point, and their eyes went wide when they realised who the patient was. They didn't say anything, but after so long with Harry, I can pick up on even the most discreet facial expressions people pull when they realise they're in his presence. He's never told me, but I can tell he struggles to understand why some people react the way they do when they see him. Although he has a tendency to be an 'arrogant son of a bitch', he's still humble beyond words.

I don't know what to do about his letter. Of course I'm going to tell him I read it, I just don't know when. I wasn't supposed to know it even existed, and he already has enough on his plate without knowing I found and read something so personal to him.

I hate the feeling of not being able to do anything, and that's how I feel right now. There is nothing I can do to stop the sadness and pain choking him. I know what I said, or more screamed at him, yesterday was a massive trigger for everything that followed, and no words or actions or apologies can take that away.

Once the sun has set and the sky is dark, I'm just about to text Liam and tell him to come back to say whatever he was going to say earlier today, when he trails back in with the band following closely behind.

'Hey.' I smile gently, careful not to move my arm or speak too loud to wake Harry, who is still asleep on me. I'm absentmindedly tracing patterns on his tattooed left arm as though it will somehow ease his pain.

'Sorry about coming in earlier today. I should've knocked.' Liam apologises, eyes fixed on Harry.

'You're fine. He didn't even realise.' I respond.

'How is he?' Niall questions. All the boys are keeping a safe distance away from us, probably because they don't know how to act around their best friend, who, while they didn't see it themselves, is barely keeping it together.

'He's doing..alright.' I say, looking down to see his eyes still closed. He's not alright, but I don't want to tell them about things I don't think he'd want them to know. 'The doctor spoke to me and said they're running tests and they think he collapsed because of exhaustion, dehydration and stress. And the laryngitis too.'

The room stills at my explanation, and all the boys' faces contort into shock and anger and fear. There's shock because hearing it is just shocking. There's anger, because they know who caused it and they're just as angry as I am. And finally, there's fear because they're well aware that this could've been any of them. The only thing that pushed Harry over the edge was probably what happened between us yesterday and this morning, and the guilt is aching in my stomach because of it.