The Adjacent Room [h.s]

Chapter 38

At some point I wake up. I don't have a clue where I am or what's happening, but I'm moving, and I remember what happened yesterday..or today? I have no idea what the time is. I smell Harry's vanilla and feel his arms around me, and then I realise my head is against his shoulder and he's carrying me up the stairs.

'I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.' He keeps whispering, over and over again. I'm so tired and I don't even know what to say to him, so I nuzzle into his chest and let him keep talking while he thinks I'm still asleep. I don't know how I feel about this whole situation. He was gone for the whole day when he wasn't supposed to go at all, but that was sort of my fault for telling him to go, so can I really be upset?

He takes my jacket off, and then there's a hoodie going over my head. It smells just like him, and that's very comforting. The way he touches me is so soft and careful, and part of me wants to reach out to stop him from moving his hands. I know that if I open my eyes, we're going to end up in some tense, awkward or heated conversation so I'd rather just let him think I'm asleep and let him be so gentle on his own.

He walks away, and I instantly miss his hands on me. It's cold when he's not here. Soon enough he's brushing his teeth and changing, and then he places something on my nightstand, but I'm too tired to open my eyes and figure out what it is. He even sets the alarm on my phone like I usually always do.

Eventually, he slides into the bed, and I feel his warm arm wrap around me. I love what it feels like when he's close, so I let him pull me to his chest without a second thought.

'Happy birthday.' He whispers into my hair sounding so sad, and that's all it takes for me to spin around and lay my head on his chest. I'm used to this routine now, I'll wake up and I won't be in the same position, but I'll deal with tomorrow's disappointment later. This reaction definitely blows my cover that I'm not actually asleep. 'Don't deserve you.' He breathes, letting out a quiet sigh and resting his cheek on the top of my head.

'Yes you do.' I murmur back. I know he hears me because he envelopes me in his arms, and I let him, falling asleep consumed in his smell.

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When I wake up, the birds are chirping and there's sun peaking through the curtains. I didn't drink enough wine last night to feel the effects of it today, which I'm more than grateful for. I roll over, and as expected, Harry is on the edge of the bed. He's all curled up in a ball. Each day I get more and more used to him being in that spot, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm not sure what the time is, so I turn back over to check my phone, and that's when I see a small white bag sitting on the nightstand. My phone screen says it's 6:45, so we've got 15 minutes before we actually need to wake up. I'd go back to sleep with a spare 15 minutes, but this little bag has piqued my interest. It looks expensive and screams Harry, so I want to wait for him to be awake for me to look inside, but I know him and I know he put it there because he wanted me to wake up to it and didn't want to be there to give it to me. I think it's guilt for not being there yesterday. It's sad when I think about it, so I push the thoughts aside and open the bag. There's a little white box and a piece of glossy white paper inside. I pull out the card first, instantly recognising Harry's scrawled handwriting in black ink.

I figured that if you can't go near a bee, maybe you can wear one around your neck. I know you usually wear silver jewelry, but bees are yellow so gold probably works better.

Happy birthday. I love you always.

I smile at his mention of my bee allergy, despite how strange a thing it is to smile at. When we were in Jamaica and Harry was writing his first album, I got stung by a bee. As it turns out, I'm allergic to bees. Nobody seemed particularly concerned about my allergy, including myself, but Harry acted as though the world was falling apart. We hadn't known each other for very long at this point, but Jamaica was the first time when the thought crossed my mind that maybe my PhD could wait.