Loveliest Regrets

46. Not the same anymore

Briar's POV

I could feel warm sunlight hitting my face as I walked in my neighbourhood. A place I loved hanging out at whenever I came back home in vacations. But today that road looked like a curse to walk on. Dad didn't utter a word to me the entire plane ride.

He was utterly quiet but his words echoed in my ears every second. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you.

The more I thought about it the more I felt like crying. This feeling of guilt was eating me inside. So much pain and suffering only because I did something my heart asked me to do?

Dragging my feet around the driveway, we reached the front gate. I remember how just a few months ago this place had a feel of its own. The fainted smell of grass and the freshness was something I feel so attracted to. But now it was all so painful so stand around.

I took a deep breath as mom quietly gestured me to come inside. I followed both of them inside, only to make the bad aura even dominating inside the house. It was making me hard to breathe, so I quickly went upstairs to my room.

I rushed inside, locking the door behind my back, sitting on the floor and pouring out my tears. My head ached and my heart throbbed in every single part of my body. I knew I did wrong and there's no turning back from this.

I kept questioning myself and my decisions. Did I make a decision which wasn't supposed to be made? Being honest I don't know myself. Obviously I didn't plan and do it, but I just fell in love with a brilliant man. Is it wrong to love him, even after seeing how much he cares?

I feel protected around him; I can trust him blindly because I know he won't let anything wrong happen to me ever. He's always been my true source of inspiration and love. He makes me want to step out of my comfort zone, doing things I usually just imagine and day dream about.

I respect him, adore him and most importantly learn from him. Loves him a sin? Just because he is older than me, I should just put away aside everything he is as an individual and push him away? But how can I do that to a person who's never given me anything apart from love, respect and the care any girl would want?

All these questions had answers which would make no sense if I tell them, because everyone just simply considers my choice a mistake. They don't even try to understand.

My head was hurting; every nerve in my body was on the urge of being exploded. I slowly lay down on the floor feeling the warmth of the soft carpet under my skin. My room was warm enough yet I got goosebumps, giving me a hint how horrible these few days at home are going to get.

I took a deep breath and felt that soft air going inside my body, choking me. I didn't feel like breathing as my chest felt so heavy. I wanted to puke; it was all so suffocating to live in that little room knowing that my parents are basically regretting that I was ever born. Obviously this isn't the best thing to feel or know.

I kept staring at the blank wall while my mind was on a roller coaster ride. I had so much on my mind that even if I appear numb a whole volcano of emotions kept giving me anxiety. Ha anxiety? More like an I want to commit non existence and never come out of that little hole of nothingness because I clearly can't seem to handle reality.

"Don't get cold feet."

"But I will be fine." I said as I got up from the seat stretching my arms.

I looked back as he held the corner of my t-shirt slightly pulling it, his eyes turning so deep as if he has so many things to say. He sighed and said "but I won't be."

I chuckled seeing how he gets so worried at the littlest of the things. How did I get so lucky to get such a precious human like him as my partner? It was a question which could possibly never be answered.

"Mr. Wilson, don't be so cute, I can't handle that." I said shaking my head.

He stood up, towering over my little figure. I looked up at him as his cold fingers touched my jawline, sliding under my earlobe and reaching the back of my neck. Shivers ran down my spine and I couldn't help but blush looking away. He reached near my cheek giving it a light kiss. He then brought me closer making me feel his soft heartbeat on his chest while he rested his head on mine, he then whispered in my ear, "you are so delicate, I can't see you getting even the slightest of the pain, not in my presence."

Presence. Yes his presence matters a lot, I never realised until today when I need him to be around me. It feels very precisely felt because I exactly knew that I was missing him and the fact that I wouldn't be able to see him ever now isn't helping either.

I missed him so much, I wished I could hug him and never let him leave me. Yes, that sounds selfish but honestly at this point I couldn't possibly care any less. His absence was creating a deep devoid inside me and slowly it was consuming me.

It was only then when I heard a soft knock on the door. I quickly got up and saw mom entering. I was so embarrassed, for a few seconds I couldn't even look at her. It was only when she came towards me slowly, holding my shoulders, I couldn't see her face as I kept looking down, but I suddenly heard her sobbing.

I looked up in shock and my eyes wide open, not even seconds passed when my eyes pooled with tears. She pulled me in a hug and it felt like a whole new feeling as if I felt her embrace after a long time.

"I am sorry momma." I said between my sobs as she patted my back, trying to calm me down.

"It's alright my love." She said in her teary voice. Never knew these simple words from her mouth would give me so much relaxation.

Damn, I feel bad for briar. Obviously majority of us have experienced something where our parents must have gotten extremely mad. Tell me your worst experience.

It is for research purposes hehehe

Don't tell smh, author just wants things to gossip about.

YOU STFU!! Dont listen to this stupid voice, it just wanna interrupt for no reason.

shrugs

Well, I will meet y'all in the next chapter

bye bye my loves

:)