❝ I know. I could be happy until midnight if I wanted to. But what about after midnight? What about two AM? What about four AM? What about months and even years later?
I don't want to let him in knowing sometime in the future I'd have to let him go...
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Daneen knocked on Ammi Jaan's door after she saw light peaking out from under the doorway. As she heard the familiar 'come in' that she anticipated every morning, Daneen almost burst through.
Her head swiveled around the expanse of the large room until it came to rest on the singular lamp lighting up the room-by Ammi Jaan's bedside.
Her bare feet carried her to Ammi Jaan's wide-awake figure, the girl throwing herself on the bed next to the old woman. Daneen couldn't take it anymore, her emotions rising to her throat in the form of a lump.
"He loves me, doesn't he?"
Ammi Jaan patted her back. "Always has."
"I saw him make tea today," Daneen whispered, her heart in tremors. "It was a stab in the heart."
Admittance was betrayal to herself. It was pulling up the anchor that had weighed her down for so long now, and sailing unchartered waters with the uncertainty of what would come next, yet the thrill of it.
Abnosh's pink cheeks, her flustered smile, the sparkle in her eyes... Daneen didn't see any of it in herself. Is this what love did to a person? Made them unrecognizable? Brought them such unconditional happiness and security, a safeplace from the horrors of this world?
Why was this betraying what Daneen had believed for so long now?
Ammi Jaan patted Daneen's scarf-clad head. "The marvels of young love."
"Not to forget the heartache."
"A heartache you'll only be subjected to if you love him more than Allah."
"I don't want to, Ammi Jaan. I don't want to feel this way."
"What way?"
Daneen braced it. The moment that would turn the tables around, "Like I don't love him, but I feel like I could."
And somewhere in the dark room, with his head rested against the headrest of the sofa and a book opened on his chest, a sleepy Tabish smiled.
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