Who Loves You | ✓

xliv • daneen

Last chapter, you guys 🥺

"I forgive you," Daneen spoke. "I forgive you for everything. Now please leave."

Daneen uncrossed her legs and moved to get off the bed, but Fareeda pulled her back down.

"Don't leave my son."

Daneen jerked her arm away. "You made your choice. Now let me make mine."

"You love him, Daneen. I know you do. He doesn't deserve to be punished for what I've done."

"And neither is this about you." Daneen muttered, looking away from the woman. Her heart was utterly conflicted, because Fareeda's story didn't make as much sense as the very woman thought it did. It just didn't fit. "This doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't?"

"If you say you're in the right, why did you never speak up? That one day when you burst into Ammi Jaan's room and told me off, and she brought up this 'other man', why did you not say anything in defense? Do you realize Tabish was standing right outside, and you just became more of the villain in your children's eyes?"

"You have no idea how much Furqan's death broke me, Daneen. I lost the will to elaborate myself to Ammi Jaan or anyone else. When in the end, they'd never believe me."

"And why are you telling me all of this? I already told you I forgave you. Just leave."

"I don't know how well this is going to work to fix everything, but I'm trying to by asking you to not abandon him. You feel the same way he does about you, don't you?"

"Yes. But it doesn't matter."

Fareeda sighed in exasperation. "You're giving me a headache."

"You're in it for the redemption, aren't you?" Daneen narrowed her eyes. "You just want your children back."

"I want them back happy. And if you make Tabish happy, so be it. I won't interfere in your lives or ever disrupt your peace."

"But this isn't about you. Had you or had you not been in the picture, I would've still held back because I don't want this. Try to understand that."

Fareeda's eyes widened in recognition. "I did read your letter, you know."

Daneen looked away, suddenly feeling the stingy air of exposure.

"That is what has held you back," Fareeda voiced. "The fear of ordinary human life. That's what it is, isn't it?"

"You should know of all people, no?"

"These fairytales don't let us live. They present such an idealized life to us, free from struggles and hardships and ups and downs. Perfect princesses with loving princes in a world of flowers and glitter. Sickly sweet happily ever afters." Fareeda shook her head. "There's nothing wrong in hoping and dreaming, Daneen. We're made in ways we want more than what we have. That's just how we are.

"I've heard you repeat the same words time and time again, and at times, I wanted to applaud you for how well you kept the two apart. But what you've done is severing one from the other. It's either all or nothing for you. Life is either a bed of roses or a bed of thorns. You forget roses and thorns go side by side.

"Daneen, this life will never be perfect. It'll never be free from hardships and struggles. There will be tests as I'm sure you know by now. And you can't expect it to be fairytale flawless, that wouldn't be fair to the many wonders that still exist in your life."

"Furqan and I were married through the friendship of our parents. But I never loved him. And even then, there was a lot I had to live for, no matter if there never was love in my life. I had two adorable children with me, I had an easygoing life, a lot easier than most. I had a family that loved me. You won't always get the prince, or the castle, or true love, or the happily ever after. But never forget what you do have is worthwhile, and never to be taken for granted."

Fareeda's words hung in the air as Daneen thought them over. If the Daneen a week ago had known that a week later she'd be in her room with a very philosophical Fareeda, fighting a war she hadn't been able to win so far, she'd take it with a pinch of salt.

"All that hate, all that condescension, what was it for?"

"Everything I said about your status, I did it purely out of spite for Ammi Jaan, and never to humiliate you. But I should have known better."

Daneen's walls were already too high up into fortresses for Fareeda's words to come at her. Fareeda's indifference never mattered to her. "It's over now."

"I know my son isn't perfect-he's not a book character. He doesn't have the most extravagant personality ever, he's messy, he may lose his temper at times, he might not always know what to say to woo you or sweep you off your feet."

Maybe it was something Daneen had long before comprehended, maybe it was a reality she was too rattled to welcome-but it was what it was. It was already a part of her; the realization that the perfection she dreamed about could never be hers.

Al this time, she had been coming up with one excuse after the other. Maybe I won't be happy forever, maybe he'll leave me, maybe he'll realise I'm not the person he thought I am, maybe he'll-all because she was running away from what kept following her. That no matter where she'd go, she'd never find herself free from the ambiguity of this life, that there was always a white to a black and a thorn to a rose.

But to finally have it put out there by a woman who never really loved her husband yet had a lot more to live for, by someone who hadn't given up on her life just because of one relationship she didn't want-it was more than enough reassurance for the tremors in her heart to calm down. If Fareeda could give up her own space just to grow old in peace with her children by her side, if she could step back from her choice because it wasn't the right one for her children, nothing could hold Daneen back.

Abnosh and Tabish weren't even aware of the sacrifice their mother had made for them long before they even knew, the wings of her own she'd cut off to empower those of her children. Fareeda lived in a relationship she didn't want to be in, but countless other blessings she had had made it worth it. Fareeda was living proof that no hardship was ever too hard, that there was always relief with it.

It scared Daneen to let Tabish in knowing sometime in the future she'd probably suffocate him in her embrace and he'd let go. That things could go very, very horribly wrong at any turn their lives took. But they could also go very right, right? There was hardship after relief and there was hardship with relief. The thorn would indefinitely prick her, but she'd still get to smell the heavenly rose. She could have both and still be at peace.

Daneen watched Fareeda slide a ring off of her ring finger, a simple gold band with one diamond in the middle. Fareeda then placed the ring in Daneen's open palm.

"Consider this an official proposal from him-not for a fairytale life, but a life that doesn't have to be a fairytale to be livable."