Taylor Swift Imagines - Book Four (gxg)

anxiety attacks at award shows

With your hand wrapped tightly in Taylor's, she guided you through the crowd of paparazzi so you could walk into the building that the AMA's are taking place in tonight.

It's a huge night for her with countless nominations left and right. She wanted you right by her side the entire time, telling you that you're her good luck charm and it meant the world to have you cheering her on, and knowing that it meant so much to her you couldn't say no.

You prepared yourself for the crowds and the loud chatter. The flashing lights and the celebrities that you adore surrounding you, and all of the eyes that were bound to be on the both of you.

But when you made it to your seats and Taylor dropped your hand to sit down your nerves started to grow.

It felt like all eyes were on you and you knew that they were, with Taylor by your side. Even after the year you've spent together, you never seem to adjust to the feeling.

You sat down just as your legs gave out. You tried to close your eyes and catch your breath as your heart started to pound in your chest. But the feeling was overwhelming.

Your anxiety was high and though you wanted to cheer your girlfriend tonight for the awards you knew she was bound to win and the performance she had planned near the end of the show, you also wanted to go crawl into the safety of your bed where no eyes would be on you, except those of your girlfriend's.

With shaking hands, you reached for Taylor. She was in the middle of a conversation with Halsey but froze when she felt your shaky touch on her thigh.

She tore her gaze away from her friend and over to you. Eyes filled with worry, she quickly intertwined your fingers and squeezed your hand.

"You okay?" She asked worriedly and all you could do was shake your head.

Being with you for so long now, she knows when you're anxious and this is the first award show you've attended with her. She knows it's a big leap for you, taking you out of your comfort zone, and she should've known you were going to feel the anxiety tonight.

She looked around and realized a lot of people were looking her way. Phones out, familiar faces of people she's befriended, and celebrities she's met in the past, were all either waving or trying to get the time or courage to make their way to her. She knew it wasn't all in your head. People were looking your way.

"Okay. Think you can stand and walk?"

You shrugged in response as your palms began to sweat.

"I'll get you backstage, where we can have some privacy. I'll hold you and you can lean on me. Okay?"

You nodded and she put her arm around your waist to hold you as she led you backstage. Finding her name on one of the dressing room doors, she went inside and closed it behind her before guiding you to the couch in the room.

"It's okay. It's just us now."

You nodded and stared into her eyes. Teeth sinking into your lip, your breathing became uneven and rapid. She brushed her thumb below your lip and you released it from your teeth.

"Breathe, baby," she whispered.

"I can't."

"You can." She soothed. "You can, baby. I'm right here. Just look at me, focus on the sound of my voice, and breathe. It's all okay. It's just you and me."

You nodded and closed your eyes as the sense of doom hit. You squeezed your eyes shut tight and tried to breathe through it with her help, but it wasn't easy; it never is.

"I can't do it." You mumbled anxiously.

"You're doing it. You're okay. I'm here, y/n, I'm right here. You know you're always safe with me. Just keep breathing, in and out, and focus on me. Focus on my touch and my voice. It's not gonna be much longer. You're really brave, my girl,"

It felt like forever until it became less intense. A weight slowly lifted from your heavy and tense shoulders. You couldn't open your eyes but you could feel her gaze on you; one as soft and as loving as her fingertips that were brushing along your arm and down to your hand then back up again.

"I've got you. You're gonna be alright." She comforted, kissing your shoulder and your forehead as you slowly, but surely, came back around. "Are you okay?"

You shrugged.

"The crowd too much for you?"

You opened your eyes slowly and felt guilty as you nodded your head.

"The lights, the screams, the eyes on us. It's all so... scary."

"I know. I'm really proud of you, y/n. You got through the attack really well and you came here, which was scary enough as it is, I know. But you know that no award show is never more important than you are to me. No matter what I have planned. So, if you're too anxious or too uncomfortable, I'll tell Tree and we'll go home. We can leave right now if you want."

You thought about it for a second and mumbled, "Do you promise that you won't let me go? Unless you absolutely have no other choice to."

"I promise. I always promise that, beautiful girl."

"Then I want to try to stick it out. I don't know if I'll last the whole time but,"

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it." She whispered comfortingly and sent you a small smile.

"Okay. Can we go back out there? And can you hold my hand?"

"Happily."

"The whole time?"

"The whole time. Every second of every minute, baby girl."

You stood on your shaky legs and leaned your head on her shoulder before you walked out of the dressing room and to your seat. It was still scary, but it was comforting to know that if you needed to leave, you could.

And you had Taylor right by your side, there to help you through it all, whenever you needed her.

"I love you."

"I love you more, darling," she whispered and kissed your forehead lingeringly.