Perfect Storm

28- Tawny

I'm nervous at the moment.

Very nervous.

I'm nervous to see my father and be in the same room with him to hear what he has to say.

I'm nervous about hearing about the past.

I'm nervous about the future.

And I'm nervous that what he'll tell me will be the straw that broke the camel's back, causing me to lose another parent.

By virtue of the circumstances and what I know already, I'm somewhat feeling ashamed of myself for being here to see him, acting as if I care about my father.

Then again, I shouldn't feel ashamed, as there are always two sides to every story, even if my mother isn't around to explain her side as sadly as it is. But like in court, and my father as the defendant, he has a right to tell his side and defend himself, with me being the judge, jury, and executioner. That's why I need to continue telling myself that's why I'm here. And not because I care.

After everything I've done for my father, he owes me this day of explanations, and I'm not leaving until he does. And if he refuses, I'll bring up everything about how I dropped out of college to take care of him, how all I did was work to make all the money I could, and that I didn't do it to have money in my pocket but for him to get the help he needed. I also lost numerous jobs because of him. And how I couldn't even have a social life or a life in general because of how I had to take care of him day and night. Not to mention, he cost me my boyfriend because he couldn't handle my fucked up life.

Although, I will say that part doesn't matter anymore. Because I gained a far better boyfriend. One who knows how much of a fucked up life I've had. Even though Ian and I hated each other for a couple of years and were at each other's throats, how he was doing anything and everything to ruin and hurt me. Somehow, during our heated quarrels, we figured out we were meant to be together, and that we were the perfect match.

I do need to remember that Ian cares about me. How he loves me unconditionally, and how he's done everything to make sure I'm happy.

Still, the fact remains, I will never forget how I gave up everything because of caring and wanting the best for my father.

Doctor Creighton stopped outside my father's room with his hand wrapped around the door handle, then turned my way. "There's one thing I forgot to mention. Roman had a strong feeling that you'd be coming to visit after he talked with Ian. So, he requested that I allow this visit with you without anyone else in the room. And since I feel this is one of the parts of the recovery he needs, I'll grant his wish, and I'll leave you two alone, so if there's anything you need. Or if you're ready to leave, there's a button next to the door that'll alert the staff, including me. Then we'll come to let you out."

"Thank you."

My nervous, beating heart gained speed the moment the doctor opened the door, and as I slowly walked in with my eyes on the man I came to see, the faster it beat.

My father was sitting on the bed, facing the opposite way and looking towards the window. My trembling feet stopped moving when I saw his head rise upward and stop. I stared at him, anxiously waiting for him to turn around. He never did, but after a few minutes of quietness, he finally said, "I've been expecting you," he said in a low voice.

Knowing what I came here for. My mind suddenly went blank. I was at a loss for words and didn't know what to say. So I said nothing.

The more profound my heart pounded against my chest, the more I couldn't think, as all I heard was the thundering of my beating heart inside my head.